Charming, Where You Belong
by mamashaw98
Summary: Lillian Kozik was starting over. After moving to Charming, she learns what family is really all about. Disclaimer: I own no characters aside from Eileen and Lillian Kozik thus far. All credit goes to the proper sources. Rated M for: Language, Violence, Sexual Content, and potentially triggering topics later on. Please leave a review!
1. Coming Home

"You have no right to be here." Spat the woman blocking the doorway.

"About as much right as you do, I'd say Eileen." Kozik stood toe to toe with his mother.  
"I'm in recovery." Eileen snapped. Kozik cocked his head to the side.

"Oh yeah? How about when I was the one raising her? Where were you then?"

"Mama, don't. I called him." Came a soft voice from inside the hospital room. Eileen turned on her heel and set her cold eyes on her daughter.

"What do you mean you called him?' Kozik shouldered past their mother and waltzed into his sister's room.

"I think she means she used the cell phone I got her, to call me, and tell me she was in a car accident." Kozik rolled his eyes and bent to kiss his little sister's forehead.

"Him or me Lillian." Eileen crossed her thin arms over her chest. Kozik looked at her in utter disbelief.

"You can't be serious. She was just in a car accident. Broke her damn foot and that's what you're concerned about?"

"Mama, please don't do this." Lillian said, biting her bottom lip.

"It's clear to see your choice has been made." Eileen turned around and stomped out the door, slamming it shut behind her.

"Lil, I'm sorry. I should have asked at the desk if she was here before I came back." Lillian shook her head, trying to hold back the tears.

"No. No Kozi, it's okay. I called you. I wanted you here." She took a deep breath and puffed it out. "It's just hard. She's my mama and you're my brother. I just love you both so much." Kozik tried to interrupt her but she held up her hand to stop him. "And I know you have your reasons to hate her and I don't blame you, but she's never wronged me the way she's wronged you. I was too little to remember what she was like when she was using. You kept me from the worst of it. But at the end of the day, junkie or not, she's my mama." Kozik nodded softly and tucked her long brown hair behind her ear.

"I know kiddo. I just don't want her to ever break your heart the way she broke mine" Kozik cracked a grin. "But let's find that doctor and see what it's going to take to bust you out of this joint."

Three hours later, with a cast and crutches that Kozik paid for, he had her loaded up in the passenger seat of Jax's pick up truck.

"Nice ride." Lillian said eyeing the interior. "Who'd you swipe it f rom?" Noticing the base of a child's car seat strapped in the back, she turned to glare at her brother. She understood that sometimes in their lifestyle they had to "borrow" things but she hated when they took from families. Kozik held up his hands and laughed before turning the key in the ignition.

"Relax chief. It's Jax's truck. When you said they were pretty sure it was broken he offered his truck to get you home safely." Lillian smiled. Jax had always gone out of his way to make sure Lillian got what she needed. Kozik and some of the Sons had even driven the three hours to attend her graduation when she called him crying to tell him that their mother said she had better things to do. They had all gotten her graduation cards and filled them with cash and little notes about proud they were of her. Along with a significant amount of cash in Jax's card, he had also gotten her a necklace that to this day she's never taken off.

The half hour drive home went by too quickly for Kozik. He felt as though his little sister's life had moved in an entirely different direction and he got left behind. It was almost like he was just getting to know her again. He turned right on to the street Lillian lived on and his grip tightened on the wheel. Eileen had thrown everything out of Lillian's bedroom window and on to the front yard. Lillian's bottom lip trembled and her eyes filled with tears as she turned to look at her big brother, her protector.

"Kozi.." Her voice broke. Kozik felt his heart break for her and decided there was only one way to handle this situation. He put the truck in reverse and backed into the laneway.

"Stay here baby girl. I'm gunna get everything out of the yard and then I'll take you inside to make sure you have everything you need." Kozik opened the door and was halfway out of the truck when she spoke.

"Kozi?" He turned to look at her and she wouldn't meet his eyes. "I don't have anywhere else to go." Kozik felt like the biggest ass in the world. His poor sister was left to suffer the abuse his mother inflicted on him for years because he wasn't around to take it anymore. He had taken off to fight in a war and for a lack of a better term had abandoned Lillian.

"You're coming home with me. To Charming. Where you belong."

It only took Kozik twenty minutes or so to gather his sister's belongings from the yard and throw them in the back of the truck. The majority of her things were broken but they'd take care of that when they got back to Charming. Far, far away from Eileen. He pulled open the passenger door.

"Ready kid?" He helped her down and got her steadied on her crutches.

"As I'll ever be." She made her way to the door and tried the knob. Locked. She dug in her purse for her keys and tried to unlock it with trembling hands. She knew her mother could be a bit over the top sometimes but she didn't think that she could actually be this psychotic. She turned and looked at Kozik before shaking her head and turning towards the truck. Her key didn't fit the lock. Her mother had been serious about her choosing Kozik. She hadn't made it off the porch yet when Kozik's boot me the front door and it crashed open. He marched into the living room where Eileen stood with a bat.

"Get the fuck out of my house! Neither of you are welcome here!" She raised the bat and stepped closer to Kozik. He reached into his waistband and pulled out a handgun. He cocked it and leveled it with his mother's face.

"One more step and I'll fucking kill you. I swear to God." Eileen stepped back and sat on the couch. Lillian crutched her way into the house, up the stairs and down the hall to her room. The walls were bare, the dresser emptied and her bed torn apart. She pulled her suitcase out from under the bed and set to work packing everything her mother hadn't tossed out the second story window. She pulled the pocket knife Kozik had given her for her sixteenth birthday out of her purse and used it to pry up the loose board under her desk. The one Kozik had loosened for her so she had a place she could hide things from her mother. The more she thought about it, every good thing about her life had something to do with her brother. She reached into the hole and pulled out her little box of treasures. Every letter Kozik had ever sent her while he was overseas, the birthday and graduation cards from the Sons, her childhood pictures of her and her brother, her life savings and anything she valued was hidden away in this box. She tucked it safely under her arm and stood before making her way back to her suitcase. She quickly filled it and called out for Kozik to come help her. She followed him down the stairs and as soon as Eileen spotted the suitcase in Kozik's hand, she lost it.

"Useless! Ungrateful! Dumb little whore! Going off to make some biker slut of yourself." They were halfway to the door when Eileen said something that shook Lillian to the very core. "Your brother never made anything of himself and neither will you." Lillian stopped in the doorway and turned to face her mother. With eyes full of tears, she smiled.

"I love you mama. Don't worry about me. Kozi's gunna look after me, just like he always has." She turned and walked calmly to the truck and climbed inside. Kozik's eyes followed his sister until she was safely away from Eileen.

"I will never understand how a person as fucking horrible as you could bring such a saint into this world. That girl did not deserve your or the hell you put her through. You will not call. You will not write. Don't even thing about coming to Charming for her. You've done enough damage to her over the last nineteen years and that ends now. Right fucking now, do I make myself clear?" Kozik looked into his mother's eyes and felt no love for her.

"Go to hell" She said quietly. Kozik smiled.

"I'll see you there." He closed the door behind him. He placed Lillian's suitcase in the bed of the truck before climbing in and starting the engine.

"Are you sure you want me to come to Charming?" Lillian asked, avoiding meeting her brother's eyes.

"Lillian Avery Marie Kozik, there is nothing I want more in this world than to have my kid sister in my life." A ghost of a smile flickered across her face and she nodded settling into the seat. Kozik put the truck into drive and pulled out of the laneway.

Lillian fell asleep as soon as they had made it on the highway. The poor kid one hell of a day and the adrenaline had started to wear off. Kozik stopped only once on the three hour drive back to Charming He was fueling up the truck when he heard her.

"Kozi?" He opened the door to the truck. "Are we home?" She asked softly and Kozik felt his heart soar. Home wasn't a place to herm it was wherever he was.

"Soon kiddo, just had to stop for some gas. Want any snacks when I go inside to pay?" She cracked an eye and smiled. Kozik shook his head and laughed.

"Let me guess, sour cream and onion Mr. Pringles and a bottle of Dr. Pepper?" She nodded and closed her eyes again. When Kozik made it back to the truck with her bag of goodies, she was snoring softly. He shrugged out of his kutte and unzipped his sweater, using it to cover most of her body. He climbed back into the truck and started it up again.

"We'll be home soon kiddo."

Kozik pulled on to the lot at Teller-Morrow a little after seven. The bay doors to the garage were already open and he could hear the whir of the electric socket gun. He parked Jax's truck and looked over at his little sister sleeping peacefully. He started to wonder when the last time she actually got a decent nights sleep was, but pushed it from his mind. He wasn't ever going to leave her again. He'd make sure she got the life she deserved here in Charming. He opened the door to the office to find Gemma sitting at her desk. He plopped himself down on the couch and let out a sigh, running his hands over his tired eyes.

"In all the years I've known you, I've never seen you up this early," Gemma chuckled, looking at him over her glasses.

"Not up. Haven't slept." Kozik groaned rolling on to his side on the narrow, lumpy couch.

"Why?" Gemma asked dryly. Kozik pointed out the door to Jax's truck. Gemma got up from her chair and looked through the blinds. She noticed a woman slumped against the window sound asleep.

"Up all night for a piece of ass? I thought you were getting too old for that Kozi." Gemma teased, making her way back to her desk.

"M'sister Gem." He mumbled into the back of the couch. Gemma dropped her files onto her desk with a loud thump.

"Sister? You mean Lily?" Kozik nodded. "Jesus Christ, what's she doing here? We're about to go to war with the fucking Mayans and you bring a child into the mix." Kozik rolled onto his back and opened his eyes, before turning his head to look at Gemma.

"I'm aware of what's going on with the Mayans Gemma. She called me, she needed me, I got her."

"Why'd she call?" Gemma cut him off. Kozik hadn't heard from his sister in months and Gemma thought it strange that she turned up out of the blue when shit was about to hit the fan with the Mayans.

"She was in a car accident, broke her foot. She called me from the hospital so I went. Shit got ugly with Eileen and she threw her out. What was I supposed to do Gem? Leave her? I practically raised her. You know just as well as I do the hold she's got on me." Gemma nodded, knowing how close Kozik was with his sister before he moved to Charming.

"How old is she now?" Seventeen?" Gemma asked. Kozik shook his head no.

"She'll be twenty at the end of next month. She's a good girl Gem, I'm gunna get her on her feet here. Help her get a place, a job. It's the least I could do for her." Gemma smiled and nodded at Kozik.

"She won't be able to do much until that foot of hers is healed. I could use some help around the office. Answering phones and shit. Pay won't be great but it'll get her feet under her. We take care of our own Kozi. If she's your family, she's our family. We won't leave her out in the cold."

"I appreciate it Gem. I don't want her mixed up in the club stuff but I can't shelter her from it forever. She doesn't know about the gun running or anything. I don't know how to tell her, her big brother's an outlaw."

"She loves you Kozik, your rap sheet isn't going to change that. Just be straight with her."

Lillian woke up to a soft knock on the window of the truck. It took her a minute to gather her thoughts. The car accident, Kozik showing up at the hospital, the fight with her mother, her mother… Lillian took a deep breath, she was home now. She belonged in Charming and she knew Kozi would keep her safe. She cracked an eye, grimacing at the bright morning sunshine. She heard the door open and the cool autumn air filled the cab of the truck. She pulled whatever Kozik had covered her with tighter and took a deep breath, pull in the familiar scent.

"Morning darlin'." Jax's voice was like music to her ears. She could practically hear the smirk that was surely plastered across his face.

"Morning? I though it had to be at least midday by now." She opened both eyes and laughed. She stretched and groaned as heard her back crunch. She already knew she was going to be stiff today from sleeping curled up in the truck. She turned to face Jax, drinking him in. His long blond hair was pushed back behind his ears, his blue eyes the shade of a summer sky. His scruffy goatee and his tan skin made him even more attractive. He was wearing his kutte over a Teller-Morrow work shirt. "Even the bad boy bikers work a 9-5? Who ever woulda thought." Jax pulled her out of the truck and on to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. He smelt like leather, pine and Marlboro Red's.

"7-3. but close enough." He chuckled in her ear. Lillian wrapped her arms securely around his waist and let her head rest on his chest. "Sorry to hear about your foot. You okay?" He asked, voice full of concern. She nodded and shrugged.

"Smoke a joint, I'll be fine." Jax let out a hearty laugh and reached around her to pull her crutches from the truck. He helped steady her and gestured towards the open door to Gemma's office.

"You sure are a Kozik…No doubt about that." She slowly crutched her way there, already getting annoyed at how slow this case was making her. Jax stayed by her side all the way to the office, pecked her cheek and then opened the door to the garage and disappeared to start his day.

"Lily." Gemma said over the sound of Kozik's snores.

"Gemma." Nodded Lillian. She pointed to the only other available chair in the office. "May I?" She asked. Gemma nodded and Lillian sank into the chair, leaning her crutches against the filing cabinet.

"Surprised you remember me. You haven't been to Charming since you were a little girl." Lillian shrugged.

"You're hardly forgettable Gem. Plus Kozi writes. Kept me updated on who's who and what's what. Although he did forget to mention Jax being a dad." She said remembering the car seat in the back of Jax's pick up. Gemma snorted. "I take it I should keep my congratulations to myself then?" Gemma eyes her up over the glasses perched on the end of her nose. She and Kozik shared a lot of the same features but Lily's face was so much softer. So young and so innocent, the club would either make her or break her and Gemma hoped it wouldn't be the latter.

"His name is Abel. He's in the NICU at St Thomas. Jax's ex hit the crank and Abel came out ten weeks early with a bad ticker and his guts hanging out. But he's a fighter. Few more weeks till we can bring him home." Lillian felt her heart ache for baby Abel. Not even born and he'd already been dealt a shitty hand. "Kozi says you're going to be staying awhile." Gemma said looking over at Kozik sleeping on the couch. Lillian nodded.

"That's the plan. Find some work, get a place. I've got some saved up but it won't last forever." She neglected to mention that the majority of her savings was from the club. She bit her lip. "Clean slate at nineteen wasn't exactly what I imagined you know? Starting over.. It's hard." Their mother had moved them around a lot when they were growing up and there was nothing Lillian hated more than being the new kid.

"It's not what you get, but what you make of it that counts baby. I told your brother I could use some help around the office. Just till you get your feet under you." Lillian smiled.

"Thanks Gem. I appreciate what you're doing, taking me in and all." Gemma leaned forward and patted the young girl's hand.

"One thing you'll learn quick here is that family is family. Now pay attention, I have a hair appointment at elven and I want this done when I get back."

Lillian picked up on Gemma's filing pretty quickly. She had just answered the phone when Jax walked into the office.

"Teller-Morrow. No ma'am. Well that depends. Let me grab one of our mechanics to better discuss your options with you, he'll be able to give your more information. No problem." She sent the call to the garage phone and hopped to the door. "Oi, call on line two for somebody who knows their shit about warranties." She click the door shut and gimped her way back to the desk.

"You're getting the hang of this pretty quick." Jax smiled, lighting a joint. He held it out to her and blew smoke rings up at the ceiling. She shrugged and watched as Kozik stirred. Sniffing the air, he cracked an eye.

"Not even twelve hours in and you're already getting her blitzed Jax?" Lillian rolled her eyes and took another puff off the joint.

"Well good morning to you too sleeping beauty." Lillian laughed. Kozik grumbled and reached out for the joint. Lillian finished putting the last of Gemma's files in the cabinet and leaned back in her chair.

"Hey if you're all finished up the work Gemma left you, I'm heading to the hospital to see the kid. I could use some company?" Jax asked.

"Yeah, sure. I'd like that." Lillian nodded as Gemma appeared in the doorway.

"I'm impressed Lily." She said taking in the organized office. "Pretty sure this is the straightest I've seen the place since we opened." She kissed Jax on the cheek before walking to the desk and dropping her purse in the drawer. "Going to St Thomas baby?" He nodded.

"If you let me steal your secretary from you." Gemma pursed her lips and eyed her son.

"I guess she's done enough for one day. Go on, go see you boy."

Jax pulled into the visitor's lot of the hospital and killed the engine.

"Ready?" He smiled at her. The last time he'd seen her had been her graduation almost two years ago. She had filled out since then, her hair was longer and she carried herself differently.

"You betcha!" She hopped out of the truck and tucked her crutches under her arms. They slowly made their way to the doors of the hospital. Jax let the way to the NICU but stopped short.

"Fucking great." He mumbled when he noticed Tara in Abel's room. Lillian stopped beside him.

"What's wrong?" She asked following Jax's eyes to the woman standing in Abel's room. "Is that your ex?" Jax chuckled and nodded.

"Yes but not the one you're thinking of. Wendy is in a rehab in Stockton." Lillian nodded.

"Who's that then?

"Her name's Tara." Jax explained. "We were together in high school. She left Charming for a better life and I stayed because of the MC. That's how I ended up married to a crank whore." Jax grimaced.

"Married?"

"Only on a technicality. Just waiting for the judge to sign off on the divorce papers and it's over." Lillian smiled to herself and crutched into Abel's room.

"Family members only." Tara snapped looking up from her clipboard. Lillian rolled her eyes and leaned her crutches against the wall before hobbling her way over to Abel in the incubator.

"Guess it's a good thing I'm family then isn't it?" Lillian shot back. Jax followed her into the room and stood beside her.

"She's here with me Tara. Let it go." Jax said.

"She's not on the list." Tara's eyes narrowed.

"Add her to the damn list then? She's here with me isn't she?" Jax shrugged. "Lillian Kozik. If you can't get ahold of me or Gemma, call Lily at the garage." Jax turned to look at Lillian. "That okay with you?" She smiled and turned her eyes to Abel.

"Of course, anything for Abel." Tara shuffled her papers and rolled her eyes. She headed towards the door.

"It was nice to meet you Tara. I'm sure I'll see you soon." Tara said nothing but pulled the door sharply closed behind her.

"Starting a turf war with my old, old lady already?" Jax laughed and crossed his arms. "You've already been spending too much time with Gemma." Lillian laughed and reached through the side of the incubator to hold Abel's hand. He latched on to her finger and started kicking his little feet. She had never seen a baby as small as Abel. Jax had said he'd been in the incubator for a few weeks, so she could only imagine how small he was when Wendy overdosed.

"I never figured you to be the dad type Jax." Lillian said quietly as Abel cooed up at her.

"I wasn't. I'm not. I never wanted kids, but my bed was cold after a night of drinking and Wendy was more than willing to keep me warm." Lillian rolled her eyes at Jax's semantics and snorted. "A few weeks later she shows up at the clubhouse waving a piss stick around in the air." Jax crossed his arms and scuffed his white sneaker on the floor. "I don't think Wendy ever wanted me really, she just wanted the club. I'm the son of the original President and eventually when Clay can't ride anymore I'll be the one at the head of the table." Jax got quiet and Lillian wasn't sure if she should interrupt his thoughts.

"Is that what you want for yourself?" She asked softly.

"It's all I've ever known. Christ, Harley's are practically in my DNA."

"That wasn't the question Jax." She turned to look at him.

"I honestly don't know what I want. I'm focused on the here and the now, not next week, not next month, not next year. This lifestyle isn't exactly easy to make a schedule around." She nodded her head, that's how she managed to tolerate living with her mother on the bad days.

"You have to though Jax. It's not just you anymore, now you have Abel to worry about because clearly Wendy's not up for it. This poor kid, he needs somebody in his corner and that somebody he needs is you." She hopped her way over to Jax and laid her hand on his arm. "You're gunna be a great dad Jax." Jax met her eyes, and she could see how terrified he was.

"I don't know the first thing about babies Lily. How do I know the difference between hungry and cranky? Or when he wants to be held or wants to sleep?" Lillian shook her head and smiled.

"You learn Jax. You think Gemma and your dad had any idea what they were doing when they brought you home? You fake it till you make it and you learn along the way. Besides, the first one's the trial and error baby anyway.. I mean just look at Kozi." Jax let out a laugh and wrapped his arm around Lillian's shoulders. Lillian laid her head on Jax's chest and rested her hand over his heart.

"Yeah I guess you got me there. This kid couldn't have been dealt a shittier hand. His mom's a junkie and his dad's a member of a biker club that runs guns for the IRA." Lillian lifted her head, and her hand that was resting on Jax's chest gripped the front of his SAMCRO shirt.

"Jackson Teller, what did you just say?" Jax opened his mouth but couldn't manage to find a decent enough lie. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME," Lillian's voice started to climb, she stopped and took a deep breath. She narrowed her eyes and stepped back from Jax, crossing her arms. "That the Sons run guns for the fucking MOB." She hissed. Jax bit his lip and avoided her eyes.

"Kozik wanted to tell you. He just didn't know how." Lillian let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. She had been absolutely petrified when her brother went and enlisted, and now she finds out that he's selling guns.

"Who?" Jax gave Lillian a puzzled look. "Who do you sell them to?" Jax sighed.

"I promise I will tell you. Just here isn't exactly the best place. Why don't you say goodbye to Abel and we'll go somewhere and talk?"

"That's…reasonable." Lillian nodded and turned back to Abel. She bent and whispered in to the incubator. "Bye bye for now Abel, the next time we come back your daddy might have a black eye or something but don't worry I won't break his pretty face." Lillian blew Abel a kiss and took her crutches from Jax. "Alright let's get this over with." She shook her head and crutched out of the room.

Lillian lay stretched out on Jax's bed, staring at the ceiling. Her mind was racing as Jax explained the Sons of Anarchy's ties to the gun running world.

"So basically what you're telling me is that after your dad died, Clay hooked the club up with the mafia-"

"IRA." Jax interrupted

"Right, yes, sorry. Hooked the club up with the IRA and started moving the guns into the States?" Jax nodded. "So we get the guns and we sell them to heroin dealers."

"One Niners."

"Heroin dealers."

"What they do in their spare time is up to them, personally I like to ride my Harley but whatever gets you through the day." Jax shrugged.

"And you're okay with this?" Lillian couldn't wrap her head around what Jax was telling her. They sold guns, big guns, to drug dealers and that was okay?

"It's not like that Lily. The deal Clay made was that they don't deal in Charming, and they don't deal to kids. Other than that it's not my problem if people decide they wanna score some crank. As long as they stay on their turf, and don't go shooting up corners, everyone gets what they need."

"I just don't understand…" Jax cut her off.

"You think turning wrenches all day pays worth shit? The club's business is my income, that's how we all earn. That's how we put roofs over our families heads, clothes on their backs and food in their guts. I'm sorry if we're not the motorcycle enthusiasts that you thought we were sweetheart but that's life." Lillian met Jax's eyes and they softened. "My kid's lying in a toaster in a hospital, you think a mechanics benefits are gunna cover that?"

Lillian rolled on to her stomach and crawled over to where Jax was sitting, leaned up against the head board of his king sized bed.

"I didn't mean it like that Jax. It's just you guys are living a double life I had no idea about. Like imagine waking up one day and finding out that I work as a stripper.." Jax raised his brows and smirked. "Shut up. Shut up. Bad example." She rolled on to her side, facing away from Jax and covered her face with her hands. She felt the warmth of Jax's body as he laid down behind her and his arm snake around her waist.

"Well I'm sure Kozik would have a fit but that's a show I wouldn't mind seeing." Jax said smugly. Lillian responded by driving the heel of her fiberglass cast into his shin.

"Ouch Lily! What the fuck!" Jax reached down and rubbed his shin. Lily smirked and rolled on to her stomach again, resting her face on Jax's pillow.

"Shut up and give me a back rub ya whiny baby." She laughed, stretching out.


	2. Are You Happy?

**AUTHORS NOTE**

 **For some reason it wont let me put dividers in between the paragraphs so I'm sorry if it's confusing where the story jumps! I'm trying my best to get it to work. Thank you so much for the reviews last chapter guys! I messaged you all personally! Let's see what trouble Lillian gets herself into this chapter!**

 **xx R**

Lillian sat at the desk in the office at Teller-Morrow. She'd been living in Charming for almost a week now. Spending the majority of her time with Jax or at the hospital with Abel. She almost had enough saved up from working at the garage and her savings to move out of Kozik's place into a place of her own. She was busy filing invoices when the phone rang.

"Teller-Morrow. Lily speaking."

"Tell the Sons to stop dealing guns to colors or Charming will get very bloody, very quick." Came a garbled voice from the other end. Lillian felt her heart sink to the bottom stomach. She leaned forward and checked the caller ID on the screen. Private caller.

"And may I ask who's calling?" Lillian replied as calmly as she could.

Click. The call ended. Lillian jumped out of her chair and without her crutches took off at a sprint to the clubhouse. She burst through the door and locked eyes with a crow eater behind the bar.

"Where's Jax? Clay?" She stopped washing glasses to point at the doors to the chapel. Fucking great, thought Lillian. She hobbled quickly across the clubhouse, winded from her short run. She threw open the door to the chapel and was met with a bunch of dirty looks. She bent over with her hands on her knees panting.

"What is it Lily?" Kozik asked turning to look at his sister.

"I just got a phone call in the office…" She paused huffing and puffing for air. "Blocked number, suggested that SAMCRO put an end to their affairs with the Niners."

"And if we don't?" Clay rolled his eyes.

"It's gunna be bad." Lillian's eyes landed on Jax's and she could see he was already trying to figure out the best way to play this. Tig hopped up and pulled Lillian into the room by her elbow and closed the door behind her.

"What exactly did they say? Who was it? Man, woman?" They started firing off questions.

"Oi! Let the lass speak would ye?" Chibs hollered over the voices.

"As far as I could tell it was a man, sounded like he was talking through an old walkie talkie. His voice was all distorted and crackly."

"What did he say?" Clay asked, he leaned forward in his chair, taking the threat more seriously.

"Tell the Sons to stop running guns to the Niners or else."

"Or else what Lily?" Jax asked. Lily bit her lip and looked down at the ground. She really should have grabbed her crutches because her leg was starting to ache. She shifted her weight and looked back up at Jax.

"Charming's gunna get real bloody. Real fast."

The Sons sat around the table silently. Clay ran a hand over his goatee.

"What do we know?" Clay asked. Juice looked up from his laptop.

"Not much, I could track the call through the towers even though they blocked their number. But it's a disposable and I can only give you the towers the call bounced off of. Give me an hour or two and I can see what I can come up with." He went back to punching away at the keys.

"I think the best way to handle this is to have a sit down with Laroy." He offered.

"I don't think that's such a good idea Clay." Replied Jax.

"Oh? Why's that VP?" Clay retorted, putting the emphasis on the V in Vice President. It took all self control Jax had to keep from rolling his eyes.

"Whoever this is, they want to hurt our club. We don't know how they know, but they know about the guns and the Niners. So obviously if we set up meet with Laroy, they'll find out about it and I don't doubt they'll keep to their word. This could be anyone. The Mayans. Nords. We're not gunna going to march into war blindfolded Clay."

"M'with Jackie Boy on this one, Prez." Chibs said, leaning in and folding his hand over the table. "Ought to ride this one out a wee bit."

"Take it to a vote?" Clay asked. "All those in favor of riding this out?"

"Nay." Tig said. "We need to talk to Laroy." Tig said, shaking his head which sent his black curls bouncing.

"Yay." Said Chibs, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair.

"Sorry Clay, but yay." Kozik said thinking of his kid sister who was getting thrown into the midst of this. She was the one that took the call, and no doubt gave her name when she answered. If they knew the Sons, they'd know their associates as well. He'd put Lily in danger. He'd made her a target. He'd failed as a brother.

"Nay." Said Happy.

"Yay." Opie said, taking a drag from his smoke. He met Jax's eyes and gave him a slight nod.

"Yay, we got women and children here. Innocents." Piney said gruffly.

"Yay, at least until we find out who we're up against." Juice stopped his typing to look around the table.

"Yay." Bobby cleared his throat. Clay turned his eyes on Jax.

"And you VP?" Jax tilted his head back and blew a cloud of smoke at the ceiling.

"Yay, Clay." Clay lifted his gavel.

"7-3. No one rides alone. Clubs on lockdown till the storm passes." Clay banged his gavel and dropped it on the table. "Juice find out what you can. Everybody else, get your families." The Sons filed out quietly. Jax crushed his cigarette in the ash tray that sat in front of him. He stood and made his way out of the chapel, looking around the clubhouse. Before long it would be packed with kids, wives and hang-a-round's. Anyone associated with the club would be here. Except for Abel. He sighed and made his way to the office where Lillian was sitting, smoking a joint.

"You good?" He asked softly, sitting on the edge of her desk. She didn't open her eyes but let out a drag and nodded her head slowly.

"Never better, Teller." She said with a shaky voice.

"Lily, don't bullshit me. I see right through it. You're shook and you have every right to be. We're gunna take care of this." Her eyes shot open.

"How Jax? How are you going to take care of it? What happens now?" Jax could tell she was terrified and didn't blame her in the slightest. She had only just found out about the Sons moving guns and now here she was in the middle of her first lock down. This was all so new to her. Jax reached out and took her hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb.

"What happens now, is everyone brings their families in. Wives, kids, anyone that's got ties to the club will be here. We lock the gate. No one in, no one out. If anyone has to leave, they have a Sons escort. No one rides alone. We protect our own, and we're going to keep you safe." Jax said calmly.

"And what about Abel?" Jax felt his heart skip a beat. She'd only been here a week and when faced with an attack on the club the first thing she thought about was his son.

"I'll call Tara, let her know that things are getting heated with the club. She passes the memo to security, and they'll keep someone in the NICU fulltime until this all blows over." Lillian stood and wrapped her arms around Jax's waist, laying her head on his shoulder.

"How do you live like this Jax?" She asked quietly. Jax rubbed her back slowly.

"It's all I've ever known Lily, this is normal to me." They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Opie stood there, eyes on the ground.

"Time to ride Jax." Lily felt the panic set in.

"Where are you going?" She asked. Jax smoothed her hair back, tucking it behind her ears.

"Relax, we all ride together and escort the families. Like Donna; Opie's wife, and their kids. It's just a precaution we take to make sure everyone makes it here safe. The prospects will stay behind so you won't be alone. You can just go hangout in the club house till we get back. Won't be any work to do anyway." Lillian nodded and gave Jax a quick hug.

"Can you stop at Kozi's and pack an overnight bag for me?" Jax raised his brows.

"In town a week and you're already letting me play in your panty drawer Lily? Tsk tsk, what would Kozik say about that?" He winked at her and she felt her face go bright red.

"First of all I hate you, second of all who says I wear panties?" And with that she turned on her heel, and passed Opie who was chuckling in the doorway. "Keep an eye on him would you Ope?"

"You got it Lily." Opie winked.

"Man that girl's gunna be the death of me." Jax said pushing off the desk and meeting Opie at the door. They headed for the bikes. The sound of the engines roaring filled the lot and one by one, they pulled out and headed out for their escort.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~By the time they rounded every one up, Jax stopped at Kozik's and made it back the club it was almost midnight. He killed the engine of his bike, and unclipped his helmet. He swung his leg over the bike and grabbed Lillian's duffle bag and hefted it over his shoulder. Jax didn't know how long they were going to be here, and he had no idea what she would want to wear so he packed nearly everything she owned. He made his way into the clubhouse and looked around for Lillian.

"Hey baby." Gemma met him at the door and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey Ma, you seen Lily?" Gemma smirked and crossed her arms. "It's not like that. I just stopped at Kozik's place and grabbed some stuff for her cause she asked." Gemma nodded towards the hallway that led to the dorm rooms.

"Sent her to bed an hour ago, poor girl couldn't keep her eyes open waiting for you." Jax nodded and kissed his moms cheek, adjusted the strap on the shoulder and headed to find Lillian. All the doors to the dorm rooms were open except for his. He opened the door quietly and the light from the hall illuminated Lillian's sleeping face. Her brown hair was spread across the pillow and she was snoring lightly. As far as Jax could tell all she was wearing was a SAMCRO shirt, his SAMCRO shirt. He smiled and shook his head, dropping the duffle bag onto the desk. He kicked out of his shoes and shrugged out of his kutte, hanging it on the back of the door. Jax pulled his hoodie and his shirt over his head, and unbuckled his belt. He pushed his jeans down, and stepped out of them.

"Jax?" Lillian asked sleepily.

"Yeah babe?" Jax asked.

"Did everyone-" Lillian paused to yawn. "Make it to the clubhouse?" Jax lifted the blanket and slid in behind her.

"Yeah, everybody's here Lily." Jax pressed himself up against her, wrapping his arm around her waist. He buried his face in her hair and took in a deep breath, vanilla and lavender. Jax kissed the back of her shoulder, and she tried to wiggle away.

"You're coooooooooold." She whined.

"So warm me up then." Jax laughed and ran his hands under the shirt she borrowed, nipping at her neck. Lillian let out a soft moan and Jax felt his dick twitch in his boxers. "Fuuuck Lily." Jax moaned pulling her closer. At this point, Jax only had one thing on his mind. He ran his hand down her stomach until he reached the hem of her lacy panties. She slowly grinded her ass against him and Jax felt himself growing hard. He slipped his hand into her panties, and ran a finger down her slit. Lillian moaned again and Jax could hardly control himself. "So, so wet." Jax mumbled into her shoulder. He slipped a finger inside her and groaned at how tight she was. Lillian gasped and her hips bucked forward into Jax's hand.

"Jaaaaax." She whined, spreading her legs to give him easier access. He couldn't take it anymore. Jax flipped himself between Lillian's legs and ripped her panties off. Her eyes widened and she put a hand on his chest. "Jax wait." He grinded his erect cock against her tight little snatch. "Jax!" Lillian snapped.

"What!" Jax said, giving her a look of confusion. Lillian refused to meet his eyes.

"I'm a virgin."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Jax sat silently on the edge of the bed, smoking what seemed like his millionth cigarette in the last few minutes.

"What do you mean," He paused. "That you're a virgin?" Lillian, whom was sitting against the headboard with her knees pulled to her chest, rolled her eyes.

"Sex. Never had it." Jax mumbles something that sounded vaguely like smart ass and took another long haul off of his smoke.

"Is there a reason..?" He trailed off.

"No I'm not saving myself for marriage, if that's what you're asking. Kozi kept the boys away from me as long as he could, and by the time he left I was too busy focused on school, and work, and sports to worry about chasing boys. I fooled around with some boys in high school at parties and stuff, but my cherry has yet to be.." She made a popping sound with her lips. Jax looked at her over his shoulder, before crushing out his cigarette and laying back on his bed. He ran a hand over his eyes.

"You're gunna be the death of me. I fucking swear." Jax felt the bed shift as Lillian moved and suddenly he felt her warmth by his side. Her lips pressed to the hollow above his collarbone, she slowly kissed down his chest.

"Do you…" She paused to nip at his skin softly. "Not enjoy…" She moved down a little bit lower, nipping and kissing at the skin as she went. "That no man.." She'd reached the waistband off his boxers and tugged at them teasingly. "Has touched me the way you have?" Jax opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. Lily was straddling his lap, and grinding herself against him.

"Oh trust me darlin, I enjoy it. But this isn't how you want to lose it." Jax couldn't count how many girl's virginities he'd taken, nor did he care too. Before Lily, girls were just objects. But Lily, Lily deserved more than that. Rose petals and candles and all that bullshit that girls wanted.

"Who are you to tell me what I want Teller?" Lillian asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Jax realized that he was more than likely hurting her feelings. He sat up taking her face in his hands.

"Lillian Kozik, you deserve so much more than losing your virginity in a dorm room at the clubhouse. Your first time should be special." Lillian leaned in and rested her forehead on Jax's.

"It'll be special as long as it's with you Jax." Jax didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. Lillian was the first girl he'd cared about since Tara, he sighed and let his hands rest on her hips.

"You're sure?" Lillian kissed him softly.

"I'm sure Jax. But just go easy on me would ya?" She winked. "I'm not some croweater." Jax laughed and flipped them so that he was on top. He propped himself up over top of her.

"You're beautiful you know that right?" He kissed her forehead.

"If you could stop sucking up and fuck me already, that would be great." Lillian said, rolling her eyes. They were interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Go fucking figure." Said Jax, hanging his head.

"Jax? Are you in there?" It was Kozik. Jax and Lillian both looked at each other in a panic. Lillian pushed Jax off of her, grabbed the sheet and tried to sprint to the bathroom but got tangled up and ended up falling out of bed. Jax burst out laughing. Lillian looked up when the light from the hallway filled the room.

"Hey Kozi, what's up?" She asked awkwardly. Trying to pretend she wasn't naked and tangled in a sheet on her brother's friends floor.

"You've got to be shitting me." Kozik's eyes landed on Jax, who stood. "You're fucking my sister."

"I'm not gunna lie to you brother." Jax raised his hands. "We haven't. Yet."

"What do you mean yet!? Jax, she's MY SISTER!" Kozik roared. Lillian picked herself up off the floor.

"Excuse me? I'm an adult Kozi. I can have sex if I want to." She crossed her arms, holding the sheet up.

"No you're not allowed Lily." Lillian's jaw dropped.

"Herman Kozik, you lost the right to tell me what I could and couldn't do when you left me with our mother." Kozik felt his heart sink. Lillian had never mentioned how she felt after he left, but obviously it had taken a toll on her. She pushed past her brother and disappeared down the hall.

"Lily!" Kozik called, turning to chase after her.

"Just leave her Koz." Jax said. Kozik stopped on his way out the door. Without looking back at Jax, Kozik shook his head.

"Don't you ever tell me what to do when it comes to my sister." He slammed the door behind him and took off in search of his sister. Kozik knew he'd upset her, but he just wanted to protect her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Lillian had made her way to the roof. She sat, wrapped in the sheet from Jax's bed, shaking from anger. Also because she was freezing. She wanted to get down off this damn roof, she wanted to go back inside, she wanted to curl up in bed with Jax. She wanted to have sex with Jax. Why? Because it was her choice that's why. She blinked back the tears that burned at her eyes. Kozik had left her. He ran and left her and now he thinks that just because she's here in Charming he gets to make the rules. She took a deep breath and shook her head to calm down. Lillian knew her brother loved her, but damn did that hit a nerve. Was she allowed to tell him what he was and wasn't allowed to do? So why should he… Lillian lost her train of thought as she heard the door to the roof open. She got a familiar whiff of her brother and crossed her arms over her chest tighter, refusing to turn around.

"Lily, c'mon." She ignored him. "Can you please come inside?" Silence. "Please Lil, it's freezing out here." Crickets chirping. "Lillian Avery Marie, you are acting so fucking childish." Lillian was on her feet and facing her brother before he finished his sentence.

"Childish?" She scowled. "I'm being fucking childish Herman?" She stepped closer. Kozik raised his hands.

"I didn't mean to upset you.."

"No listen Kozik. I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm not your baby sister that you left behind. If I choose to have sex, and who I choose to have sex with is NONE of your concern." She spat the words. She knew she was being harsh on Kozi but this was years of anger and sadness that she had stored away that was finally coming to the surface. Kozik nodded his head.

"You're right Lil. You're so right." Lillian's eyebrows raised so quick, Kozik thought they were going to fly off her forehead.

"I'm sorry?" She cupped her hand to her ear. Kozik rolled his eyes and smiled, he knew Lillian couldn't be that mad at him if she was teasing him about him admitting he was wrong. Something he never did.

"I said you're right you twerp. I just don't want to see you get hurt. I know you're almost twenty. You're grown, you're old enough to make your own decisions, to look after yourself. But no matter how old you get, you're always going to be a baby to me. I don't want to see you get hurt Lily. I know what these guys are like, hell I'm one of them. This isn't the life I wanted for you."

"It might not be the life you wanted for me Kozi, but it's the life I have. And I'm trying to make the best of it." Kozik laughed and shook his head.

"Since when are you so deep?" Lillian laughed and moved closer to her brother. Offering an arm for a hug, Kozik wrapped his arms around his little sister and buried his face in her. She smelt like Jax. Kozik felt his blood boil but he cleared his throat and stepped back. "So uh, how long?"

"How long what Kozi?" Lillian asked giving him the what are you talking about look. Kozik dragged the toe of his boot on the ground and looked anywhere but at his sister.

"You and fuckwad. How long?"

"Me and who?" She taunted him.

"Lillian so help me God." Kozik narrowed his eyes. She laughed and shrugged.

"There's always been something, at least I like to think." She played with the necklace around her neck. It was just a simple necklace but because it was from Jax it meant the world to her. "We've been spending a lot of time together. If I'm not at the hospital with Abel, or here in the office I'm with him. We've kissed a few times. We've never had sex, but I fully plan on it." Kozik winced and reached into the pocket of his sweater for a pack of smokes and a lighter. He lit one and then offered the pack to Lillian who accepted. "He treats me good Kozi. I mean so far. Who knows, it could last a week, a month or the rest of my life. I'm still new to this club stuff and I might decide it's not the life for me after all and take off once I get this ball and chain off me." She looked down at her cast.

"Are you happy?" Kozik asked after a moment of silence.

"Very. I'm where I belong."


	3. I'm Sorry

The two Kozik siblings sat shoulder to shoulder, splitting a joint. Kozik had been kind enough to give her his sweater, that was now draped around her shoulders over Jax's sheet.

"I'm sorry Lil." Kozik said quietly. Lillian took a long toke before offering the joint to her brother.

"For?" She exhaled in a cloud of smoke.

"All of it. Everything." His foot started to tap and Lillian knew that was his tell. Whatever Kozik was trying to say her, was really hard for him.

'I need a little bit more than that Kozi." She said softly.

"I took off. You're right, but I never meant to abandon you. After my tour, I was too fucked up to come home to you. The shit I saw over there Lily, it changed me. I wasn't the same guy I was when I went, and I was scared that you wouldn't love me the same.."

"Excuse me." Lillian cut him off. "You're my big brother, no matter what you do I'll always love you."

"I'm a recovering addict Lily." The silence between them was deafening.

"What do you mean?" Kozik laughed at his sister's question.

"I mean I'm an ex pill popping, crank shooting, junkie." He let out a deep breath. "Part of the reason I hate Eileen so much is I blame her for my struggle with addiction. I grew up around it, I knew what it did to her. When I came home from serving, drugs were the only thing that made me feel normal again." Lillian cleared her throat.

"How much time do you have together?" She asked. Kozik dug in his pocket and pulled out a token. "Narcotics Anonymous, One Year of Sobriety." She read.

"Two years on November 30th.." Kozik trailed off. Lillian looked up at her brother.

"My birthday?"

"You've always been my reason to keep going. I woke up from a bender in Tacoma and looked at the calendar and realized that you were turning 18 and that maybe it was time I got my shit together." Lillian rested her head on her brother's shoulder.

"I had no idea Kozi."

"I did my best to keep it from you kiddo. There were a few times were I thought that you would know for sure, but I made sure I was sober any time I saw you. But if you'll let me, I want to come clean to you about the club. And the things we're involved in." Lillian decided that letting Kozik get this off his chest would be best for him, she decided to omit the fact that she already knew the majority of the club business from spending time with Jax.

"Lay it on me Kozik. I can handle it." Lillian said reassuringly. And he did.

Jax sat awake on the edge of the bed, smoking a cigarette when Lillian returned to his dorm. She shrugged out of Kozik's sweater and limped her way over to his bed, climbing in with him.

"You were gone awhile." Jax stated, his voice full of concern.

"Did you know my brother was a junkie?" There was no hesitation in the words, no hate, no resent. Jax took a second before answering.

"Yes Lily. I knew." Lillian nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked. Jax sighed and shrugged.

"It wasn't your burden to bear, babe. You had enough going on in your life without having to drop everything to take care of your brother. That's when he left Tacoma and went Nomad. Said it was easier when it was just him and his bike and he wasn't constantly around the shit. If he wanted you to know Lil, he would have told you. He just didn't want you to think less of him." Jax laid a hand on Lillian's shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Promise me that from now on, you won't keep things from me. About my brother, the club…No secrets." Jax took another long drag.

"I can't promise you that I'll tell you everything, but I'll tell you as much as I can." Lillian leaned in and rested her forehead on Jax's.

"I'll take that. For now." Jax laughed and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"Once again, there's no mistaking you for a Kozik." They laid in comfortable silence for awhile. Jax had thought Lillian had fallen asleep until she spoke again.

"Jax?"

"Yeah darlin'?" He ran his head through her long hair, wondering what was on her mind.

"I don't wanna be that girl…" Jax started to regret what she was wondering. "But what is this to you?"

"What do you mean?" Jax asked, hoping for some clarification. Lillian laughed.

"I just want to make sure that we're on the same page is all." She traced shapes on his chest.

"Same page?" Jax raised a brow.

"Jesus Christ, Jackson Teller. Must you make everything so damn complicated?" Jax chuckled and rolled so that he was hovering over her.

"I'd be lying if I didn't have feelings for you Lily. But this isn't exactly the best time to jump into a relationship. Shit with the club, with my exes and the kid. I want this, I do, but let's let it ride okay?" Lillian nodded softly.

"All I want to know is that I'm not going to have to bash a broad in the face with a skateboard like Gemma." Jax let out a hearty laugh.

"Okay I can promise you that." He pressed his lips to her forehead softly. "You're a great girl Lily, are you sure this is what you want?" There was a tinge of fear in Jax's voice. She didn't know much about him and Tara but she knew that whatever the doctor had done to him back in the day had done a number on him.

"This is what I want. I'm not going anywhere."

Gemma stood in the kitchen at the clubhouse, chopping lettuce. The clubhouse was going on it's third day of lockdown and tensions were starting to run high. Lillian and Kozik hadn't talked about the whole dating a Son thing yet, and it was clear they were avoiding it. One of the crow eaters offered Gemma a joint and she laid down her knife, accepting it.

"I swear to fucking God, Herman Kozik." Gemma heard Lillian's voice come from the bar. She made her way to the doorway and leaned against it, looking for what Kozik was getting in trouble for. It didn't take her long to put two and two together. Lillian was sitting on Jax's lap on the couch and Kozik was sulking at the bar. "Let. It. Go." Kozik rolled his eyes and finished his beer, motioning to the bartender for another one.

"I have to accept it, I don't have to like it." Mumbled Kozik under his breath.

"Talk shit, get hiiiiiiiit." Lillian laughed. Kozik turned around on his bar stool.

"Oh, we going to the ring?"

"Are you gunna stop being a whiny baby?" Lillian smirked.

"You put me on the mat, I'll give Jax my blessing." Kozik crossed his arms. There was no way that Lillian could get the jump on him. Not with her gimp foot. Jax ran his hand down Lillian's thigh, earning him a glare from Kozik.

"I don't think that's such a good idea babe." Jax said softly.

"Are you gunna go toe to toe with my brother?" Lillian cocked her head to the side. Jax looked at Kozik and smiled slowly. Kozik stood from his stool, cracked his neck and then his knuckles.

"Let's go Teller. Outside." Gemma shook her head from the doorway, there was no way this wasn't going to be a pissing match. Kozik led the way outside, followed by Lillian and Jax and all the Sons that had been in the clubhouse. Chibs hit the bell with his beer and anyone that had been lingering in the parking lot made their way over. Tig climbed the ropes and whistled for silence.

"It would appear that our dear brothers, Kozik and Jax have decided that the most appropriate way for Jax to earn Kozik's blessing is for them to pound the shit out of each other." Tig hollered out to the gathering crowd.

"Yeaaaaaaaaaah!" Shouted everyone, raising their drinks. Lillian rolled her eyes, as Jax shrugged out of his kutte.

"Bare knuckle brawl or gloves?" Kozik asked, pulling his shirt over his head.

"Ladies choice." Smirked Jax, following Kozik's lead and removing his shirt. Although Kozik was bigger than Jax, it was clear that Jax was in better shape.

"What's less likely to do the most damage?" Lillian asked crossing her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes.

"Bare it is." Jax laughed and pulled himself up on the ropes.

"Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiighty boys." Tig called out, taking upon the role of announcer. "In this corner we have the challenger, the protector, the big brother, Koooooooozik." The crowd let out another cheer as Kozik climbed into the ring. Lillian let out a laugh and clapped her hands, cheering along with the crowd."In the other corner, pretty boy extraordinaire, the pretty boy, the prince of Charming, Jaaaaackie Boy!" Lillian let out a wolf-whistle as Jax winked and flexed his arms at her. It didn't take long for them to start feeding each other blows.

Kozik swinging at every inch of Jax he could, venting his anger. Jax mostly dodging punches and landing the occasional blow to throw Kozik off guard. The fight didn't last much longer. Kozik landed a jab to Jax's mouth, which caused Jax to bounce back into the ropes. He lifted a hand to his mouth and wiped away the blood, laughing slightly. Jax landed a blow to Kozik's stomach, doubling Kozik over. Jax's eyes met Lillian's and he mouthed the words "I'm sorry" before feeding Kozik an uppercut that sent him backwards. Kozik landed on his back on the mat and the crowd exploded. Either way Lillian would have been disappointed with the outcome of the fight, but at the very least Kozik was going to give them his blessing. Jax reached out a hand to his brother, smiling as he pulled him to his feet. Kozik clapped Jax on the shoulder before pulling him into a loving hug.

"I said I'd give my blessing, so I guess it's fine by me. But you know if you hurt her, I'll end you." Jax nodded and winked at Lillian who was waiting ringside to congratulate Jax on his win.

"Aye, let's get this party started!" Chibs hollered, which again was met with loud cheers.

Lillian laid in bed at Jax's house. It had only been a few weeks but she was all but living here already. She rolled over on her side and reached for her phone on the nightstand. 2:17. Jax had told her it was going to be a late one and not to wait up, but she found it hard to sleep alone. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Rather than trying to count sheep to fall asleep, she thought of her first kiss with Jax the day after she got to Charming.

 _She had been in the office, filing away when Jax came in and sat on the edge of her desk._

 _"They're taking the kid out of the toaster today." Jax smiled, looking down at Lillian._

 _"That's great Jax, I'm happy to hear that." She patted him on the thigh and set down the file she was holding._

 _"I wanted to ask you, you don't have to or nothing.. But it would mean a lot if you'd be there." Lillian felt her heart swell. She nodded, her cheeks starting to hurt from smiling. She couldn't help it, Jax just made her feel some type of way that she couldn't explain._

 _"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Jax reached forward and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear._

 _"I don't know how I'm ever gunna be able to thank you." He said softly. Lillian laughed and cocked her head slightly._

 _"Thank me? For what?"_

 _"You're kidding me right? Lily before you came to Charming I could count on one hand all the times that I had been to see Abel in the hospital. Now I'm there almost every day, and I know damn well you haven't missed a day."_

 _"That's nothing to thank me for Jax. You're gunna be a good dad, you were just scared that the opportunity was going to be taken from you before you had the chance to is all." Jax nodded softly, taking her hand in his and bringing it to his lips. He held it for a moment, squeezed her hand and then knotted his fingers through hers._

 _"Yeah..I'd pretty much given up on him, but before I know it he'll be home. And I'm gunna have to step up." Jax used his free hand to rub over his beard. "I don't have a clue what I'm doing Lily."_

 _"Hey, hey!" Lillian smacked Jax on the leg. "None of that okay? You live and you learn and you fake it till you make it." Jax let out a loud laugh._

 _"I think you need to lay off the Chinese food Lily, you're starting to sound like a damn fortune cookie." Lillian let out a laugh and leaned back in her chair._

 _"I guess I am. But I mean it Jax, you're gunna get through this. Just take it one day at a time…" Jax cut her off by pressing his lips against hers. The kiss was soft, sweet. She didn't feel the cliché fireworks, but there was something there. Jax broke the kiss and rested his forehead on Lillian's, taking her face in his hands._

 _"I've been wanting to do that for a really long time Lillian Kozik." Lillian smirked._

 _"I've been wanting you to do that for a really long time Jackson Teller."_


	4. An Outlaw's Old Lady

Lillian heard the front door open, close, and then lock quietly. She sat up in bed, listening to the sound of Jax make his way down the hall to his room. She reached over and turned on the lamp on the nightstand as Jax pushed open the door.

"What are you doing up?" Jax asked. He made his way to her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Got used to falling asleep beside you, I have a hard time when you're not here I guess." The feelings she had for Jax were terrifying to her. It had only been a few weeks and she was already in deep. Jax shrugged out of his cut and hung it on the back of his bedroom door. He moved to the dresser and began emptying his pockets and taking off his rings.

"Abel should be cleared to come home tomorrow. Figured since we'll be there, we'll talk to the doctor about getting you a new shoe." Jax nodded at her cast. It had been about an month since the accident and she was due to switch to a walking cast. Which luckily for Lillian meant no more crutches. Jax peeled his shirt over his head, unhooked his belt and slid his jeans off. He dove into the bed beside her and slung an arm around her waist.

"Long day at the office?" Lillian laughed, running her fingers through his hair.

"Always with Clay."

"Wanna talk about it?" Lillian asked softly, brushing Jax's hair back away from his face.

"Not sure what there is to say." Lillian knew not to push the subject.

"I understand, but if you ever need to clear some noise from up here." Lillian tapped the side of Jax's head lightly. "I've been known to be a good listener." Jax smiled and pulled Lillian on top of him.

"Talking is the last thing I wanna do right now." Lillian smirked and leaned forward pressing her lips to Jax's. Jax's hands found Lillian's hips and squeezed, earning him a quiet moan. Lillian started to grind her ass against Jax's crotch but stopped when she felt him tense underneath of her.

"Jax? What's wrong?" Jax let out a sigh.

"I've only got so much self control sweetheart." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Lillian leaned down and whispered into Jax's ear.

"Who said you need self control?" She nibbled on his earlobe and shrieked when Jax flipped them over so that he was on top.

"You're gunna regret that darlin" Jax ripped Lillian's panties off, throwing the shredded fabric onto the floor. He spread Lillian's legs and kissed down the inside of her thigh, he slid a finger along her sweet little snatch. Jax couldn't believe how wet she was already. He slid a finger inside her and moaned at how tight she was. Lillian let out a quiet gasp as Jax started to pump his finger inside of her.

"Jax please…" Lillian whimpered. Jax took that as a sign that she needed some more attention and buried his face in her virgin pussy. He felt Lillian's hands knot in his hair as his tongue flicked and rolled over her clit. She tasted better than any women he'd ever gone down on, the thought of no other man touching her the way he has made him harder than he'd ever been. Lillian's back arched, as she pulled on Jax's hair. He looked up and watched her face as what he could only assume was her first orgasm rocked her body. Lillian's moans fueled Jax's desire as he yanked his boxers down and slid the tip of his dick inside her, letting his head hang as he felt how tight she was.

"I'll be gentle baby, but this is gunna hurt." Jax's eyes met Lillian's and she nodded. "Tell me when to stop okay." Jax started to push himself in gently and watched the shock appear in her eyes. Jax knew it was painful to have herself stretched like this for the first time but she wasn't giving anything away. Jax knew that he was going to have to break her hymen, so he pulled out slightly and thrust himself back into her hole. She let out a little cry, and covered her mouth. Jax started to rock himself into her.

"I know baby, I know it hurts but it'll get better." He wrapped Lillian's legs around his waist and for the first time in a very, very long time he made love to a woman he cared about.

Lillian walked into the hospital with Jax and found Gemma waiting with Tara She could feel the hate in the air, and decided she'd let Jax take the lead.

"Hey little man! We're busting you out of this place." Jax said scooping Abel out of his mother's arms. Lillian smiled down at Abel and picked up his little hand.

"Hey baby boy, I've missed you!" Jax laughed.

"As if you weren't here yesterday Lily." Lillian shrugged and kissed Abel's little hand. Lillian could feel eyes burning into her back of her head, but she didn't care. Gemma smirked and put her hands on her hips, she eyed Tara smugly.

"So who is it that's going to be Abel's primary caretaker?" Tara asked crossing her arms over her clipboard.

"What do you mean?" Jax asked.

"Well you can't exactly strap a car seat to a Harley Jax." Tara retorted. Damn this bitch was snippy, Lillian thought.

"Are you trying to say Jax is incapable?" Gemma snapped. Lillian could see that Jax was starting to tense, she laid a hand on his arm and felt him relax.

"I'm not saying that he's incapable, I'm saying that being a father is a full time job. He's going to need help."

"He has help, I can watch Abel during the day and I'm sure Lillian wouldn't mind helping at night since she pretty much lives there." Gemma said back icily.

"She lives with you?" Tara scoffed. "You sure thought that one through Jax." Lillian took a step closer to Tara and flashed the classic Kozik "you just fucked up" smile.

"Look Doc, I don't know what your beef is but you can drop it. Not that it's any of your concern, but I don't live with Jax. I occasionally spend the night and Gemma is right, I have absolutely no problem helping out with Abel." Tara opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted when a blonde woman joined them.

"Ah perfect timing Wendy. Junkie, this is girlfriend. Girlfriend, this is junkie." Gemma said smugly. Lillian turned to look at the blonde woman standing between Gemma and Tara. So this was Abel's mother.

"Mom, c'mon." Jax said sternly.

"Don't go giving Jax false hope Gem, we all know I'm out of his league." She winked at Gemma.

"He likes you." Wendy said nodding towards Abel's death grip on her finger.

"That he does." Lillian replied. She didn't know where she stood with Wendy. She knew that no matter what she did, Tara would never like her but Wendy seemed to not mind her.

"I wanna thank you." Wendy said. Tara rolled her eyes and stomped off.

"Thank me?" Lillian asked.

"You stepped up and was there for Abel when I couldn't be. You took care of my boy." Lillian felt like someone had stabbed her in the chest. Did Wendy coming back mean that she wouldn't be a part of Jax and Abel's lives anymore?

"I did what any one would have done Wendy, there's no need to thank me." Wendy squeezed Lillian's free hand.

"Keep it up, they're both lucky to have you." She smiled at Jax. "I'll see you guys at the house later." With that, she walked away. Lillian turned to look at Jax, she had so many questions.

"C'mon, let's get this family home." Gemma said, wrapping her arms around their shoulders.

Almost as soon as they had Abel through the door, Gemma insisted on getting a picture of the three of them together. Jax sat down in his recliner and held an arm out for Lillian. She sat lightly on his knee, turning Abel so that he faced Gemma's camera. Jax pulled her close, his face resting just over her shoulder.

"Say Samcro!" Gemma laughed and took a picture. " I have one almost identical to this from when you were a baby Jax. I'll have to get out the albums and find it." Abel started to fuss, Lillian stood to take him to the nursery to change his diaper but Gemma scooped him up. "Gramma's got it." She winked and smiled down at her grandson before heading towards his room. Lillian sat back down in Jax's lap.

"Lil, I don't know who all's going to be here tonight.." Jax started.

"If you're about to give me the be a good girl speech you can save it Teller. I can behave." Lillian cut him off. Jax chuckled.

"Mom likes that you and Tara don't get a long you know that right? Means there's no way that she'll weasel her way back into my life."

"What about Wendy?" Lillian asked. Jax shrugged.

"Wendy's Wendy. She has the good, the bad and the downright ugly. At her worst, she almost killed Abel. At her best, she's a decent person. Addiction changes people." Lillian nodded.

"Yeah, you're preaching to the choir on that one." Jax patted her thigh. "C'mon let's finish getting Gemma's decorations up."

It wasn't long before the house was full of Jax's family and friends. Everyone eagerly awaiting their turn to get to hold the newest addition to the SAMCRO clan. The room echoed with laughter and congratulations and Lillian had never felt more at home. She was curled up beside Tig on the couch in Jax's living room, laughing at the show Piney was putting on with his grandkids.

"How you doing doll?" Tig asked, resting a hand on her knee. She knew that there was some bad blood between her brother and the SAMCRO SAA but Tig had never been anything but sweet to her.

"I'm doing alright Tiggy. I was scared to come here at first, didn't really think that I'd fit in. But you guys, and Gemma have been more than welcoming." Lillian smiled.

"And Jax?" Tig gave her a knowing look. Lillian responded with a laugh and shook her head.

"Don't even go there Trager. That's another story for another day." Tig patted her knee gently and then leaned in to kiss the top of her head.

"You need anything, you just ask understand? You're SAMCRO now babygirl, we take care of our own." She leaned into Tig's side and her eyes met Jax's across the room. He raised a brow and she stuck her tongue out at him.

"Time to say goodbye kids." She heard Opie call. Ellie and Kenny made their way around the room saying good bye to everyone. They stopped in front of Lillian on the couch and both threw their arms around her, securing her in a double bear hug.

"Goodbye Auntie Lily." They both chimed. Lillian looked up to see Opie clap Jax on the shoulder.

"You hear that brother? Auntie Lily… I guess that means this one's sticking around."

"I guess so." Jax smirked and took another long pull of his beer. Lillian turned her attention back to the Winston children that we're hanging off of her.

"Goodbye you two, I'll see you soon okay? I'll text your mom and we'll make plans to see a movie or something?" That was met with an enthusiastic response from them both. Lillian climbed up off the couch and wrapped Donna in a hug.

"Thanks for coming girly, it was nice to see you." Donna gave her a quick squeeze.

"Honestly I never thought I'd say it, but I'm glad Ope's back in. The club is family, we take care of each other." Lillian let go of Donna only to be enveloped in Opie's arms.

"So you promised the kids a movie date eh?" He chuckled.

"Yeah I suppose Jax and I could take them off your hands for a night." She winked at Donna, who's face turned beet red. "I'll text Donna and make plans." Opie nodded and let go of her, wrapping his arm around his wife's shoulders. "Thanks for coming again, really. I'm sure Jax appreciates it." Her eyes searched the crowded room for Jax to find him sitting in the recliner, feeding Abel a bottle while Gemma hovered nearby. Lillian finished saying her goodbyes and made her way over to Jax, perching lightly on the edge of his chair. It didn't take long for the house to start to slowly empty out after that. Lillian took Abel into the nursery, and began dressing him for bed.

"Your first night at home handsome boy! Are you going to sleep through the night for mo.." Lillian caught herself. She was not Abel's mother. She would never be Abel's mother. "For me. Will you sleep good for me?" She corrected. After she finished buttoning his sleeper, she laid him in his crib. She turned for the door and noticed Gemma leaning against the frame.

"You love that boy." It wasn't a question.

"I do." Lillian's eyes met Gemma's, she wasn't sure where Gemma was gunna take this but it was clear that she didn't have anything good to say about any woman that Jax had ever been involved with.

"Good." She turned on her heel to walk away.

"Good?" Lillian asked. Gemma paused where she was.

"That little boy is gunna need someone to play his mama. Wendy? She'll be cranked out again by the time Abel can roll over. Tara? Pfft, she'll up and leave Jax and the baby just like she did ten years ago. But you? I don't see you going anywhere. Tara hated the club and Wendy only wanted Jax for the club. You don't care about the patch on my son's chest. The way you feel for him, you feel with or without the kutte. I'm glad he has you." Gemma smiled and stepped out of the room, Lillian listened to her heels click softly down the hallway. She sank into Abel's glider, content to just watch him sleep. Did she love Jax? Sure, she had strong feelings for him but she had never "loved" anyone before. Aside from Kozi and now Abel, but this was different. There was a bit of an age gap between her and Jax, did she really want to be tied down to a man with a child before she turned twenty? Did she really want to spend the rest of her life being an outlaw's old lady? Was this the life she wanted for herself? She was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of the front door slamming. Which in turn woke up Abel. Lillian stood and lifted him slowly into her arms, rocking him slowly to put him back to sleep. She stepped out of the nursery slowly making her way to the living room, careful not to disturb Abel.  
"Jax?" Lillian called.

"He left." Came Gemma's quiet response. She was sitting on the edge of the couch, with her head in her hands.

"Gem? What's wrong?" Lillian felt the panic kick in. Did Gemma say something to Jax that set him off? She laid Abel in his swing before coming to kneel in front of Gemma.

"It's Donna. She was gunned down."


	5. A SAMCRO Funeral

Lillian felt her blood run cold. Donna, gunned down? It had to have been a mistake.

"Gem. No, it couldn't have been. Not Donna." Lillian's voice cracked. Gemma reached out and took her hands, squeezing them tightly.

"Clay thinks that it was someone going after Ope. The Mayans or the Niners, because of the deal that went south. That they mighta seen his truck at the drop. Unser doesn't know anything." Gemma's voice sounded like it was underwater, coming from miles away. Lillian felt her heart slowly break in two as she thought of Ellie and Kenny, who were now without a mother and Opie, who was now without a wife. She felt Gemma's arms wrap around her as she slowly sobbed into her lap. She hadn't been in town all that long, but Donna had never been anything but the kindest to her. Lillian couldn't find the words to describe what she was feeling, but she knew that never in her life had she ever felt this way before. Gemma ran a comforting hand over Lillian's dark hair. In the weeks that Lillian had been in Charming, this was the most mothering Gemma had been towards her.

"Why Gem?" Lillian asked, lifting her tear streaked face from Gemma's lap. Gemma cradled her face in her hands, brushing the tears from her cheeks.

"I wish I had the answers baby girl, this is a horrible thing that shouldn't have happened. But trust that the Club will make this right. We take care of our own." Donna was dead, brutally murdered by mistake, and all Gemma could say was trust the Club?

"It's because of the Club the Donna's dead." Lillian spat. She watched love and warmth fade from Gemma's eyes and knew that she had fucked up. Large. Gemma's grip tightened on either side of Lillian's face as she leaned in closer.

"And it's because of the Club that you're here and not living with your junkie mother. Don't ever forget what this Club has done for you because I promise you baby girl, you'll end up worse off than Donna." Lillian's heart was racing, was Gemma implying that the Club had a hand in what happened to Donna. Lillian knew about the bullshit with ATF but she had thus far managed to fly under their radar. The sound of the front door opening pulled Lillian from her thoughts. Gemma leaned in so that her lips were brushing Lillian's ear and whispered.

"Do not take this to my Jax." Emphasizing that Jax was her son and would without doubt side with his mother, she released Lillian's face and stood. Making her way to meet Jax in the doorway, she took his face in her hands.

"I'm sorry baby. I am so, sorry." She kissed his cheek softly, and pulled back to take him in.

"Yeah." Jax said quietly. Gemma stepped back and crossed her arms.

"How's Ope?" Jax gave an almost unnoticeable shake of his head.

"You should go home mom."

"What about the baby?"

"I can take care of my son." Lillian took her place behind Jax, resting a hand on his back to let him know that she was with him.

"You sure?" Gemma eyed Lillian, but Lillian held her ground.

"It's time for me to do this." Jax walked over to where Abel was laying in his chair, lifted him slowly and made his way down the hall to the nursery.

"Okay….Okay." Gemma said quietly to herself, picking up her purse, she laid a hand on the door knob before looking over her shoulder at Lillian. "Take care of my boys Lily. Don't let this hurt them." Lillian crossed her arms over her chest. What was she supposed to do? Tell Jax and face the wrath of Gemma and the Sons, or keep it from Jax and have it eat him and Opie up inside. What would she even tell Jax? Hey babe, your mom said something the other night that made me think that Clay took a hit out on Opie and killed Donna by mistake. That was absurd. Clay loved this Club, he wouldn't do anything to put it at risk. Lillian followed Jax down the hall and leaned up against the door way to Abel's room. Jax was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner, like she had been earlier.

"You coming to bed, or you gunna stay here awhile?" Lillian asked, unsure of what Jax needed from her. Wordlessly, and without opening his eyes, Jax reached out a hand for her. Lillian crossed the room in three strides, which was impressive for her little legs. Jax pulled her into his lap and buried his face in her neck. She didn't know that he was crying until she felt the warm little drops of water hit her skin. Again Lillian felt the ache in her heart, Donna and Jax had known each other for years. She couldn't even begin to imagine the pain he was feeling. She laid Jax's head on her chest, and ran her fingers through his hair.

"It's okay baby, I'm here." She felt his arms tighten around her waist and pressed her lips to the top of his head.

"The kids…" He started and then his voice cracked.

"Ellie and Kenny are going to be okay Jax, we'll get through this together." Lillian said calmly, but on the inside she was a sobbing mess. Donna was torn from her children's lives, after all the hell the Club had put her through…it ended up being what killed her.

"He's my best friend Lily, my brother. Watching him cry over Donna…It killed a piece of me." Jax admitted quietly. They sat in the rocking chair in silence a little while longer, Jax occasionally taking a deep breath to calm himself. Lillian continued to run her fingers through his long blond hair.

"What happens next Jax?" She asked. Jax was quiet for a few moments.

"I don't know Lily. I honestly don't. I wish I could tell you that whoever did this to Donna is going to pay. That the cops will find him before the Club does and he'll spend the rest of his pathetic, worthless life in Chino, but I'd be lying. If the Club finds him, then Opie will get his justice. But what happens after that, what this does to Opie's family, I honestly don't know." Lillian nodded. She knew that if it were Jax in Opie's shoes, and that if someone had killed his wife and left his children motherless, hell would freeze over before he showed any mercy. They sat in the rocking chair a little while longer before Lillian stood, pulling Jax to his feet.

"C'mon, let's get some rest. Opie's gunna need you to get through this."

Lillian sat at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee when she heard the front door open. She heard the familiar click of Gemma's heels, before the heavy scent of her perfume filled the kitchen.

"Jax home?" She asked, dropping her purse on the counter and heading for the coffee machine.

"He left to check on Ope." Lillian answered plainly. She wasn't sure how she stood with Gemma right now and she figured minding herself was better than not. Gemma turned to lean against the counter, holding her mug in front of her.

"How'd Abel do last night?" The concern in her voice was clear, it had hurt her that Jax has sent her home. Lillian shrugged and took a sip of her coffee.

"Woke up at 3 and 6 for a feeding, went straight back down afterwards. He's still spitting up a considerable amount but according to Tara his weight isn't dropping." Gemma nodded, before crossing the kitchen and flopping down in a chair across from Lillian.

"Whatever you have to say, say it. You've got that same look your brother gets when somethings bothering him." Gemma folded her hands, and sighted her eyes on Lillian.

"Did the Club have anything to do with what happened to Donna last night?" Gemma opened her mouth to answer. "And before you say obviously, I mean was the Club behind what happened to Donna last night." She sat up straighter in her chair.

"What makes you think all that?" Gemma replied, answering a question with a question.

"ATF. They hung Ope out as a rat, paid his bills, had them in Stockton in PC. It's enough to make anyone wonder, but anyone who knows Ope knows that he'd die before he turned on his Club. He just did a five FOR the Club, if he didn't turn then what would make him turn now?" Lillian asked, Gemma was impressed that in the short while she'd been around the Club she had already picked up on the lingo and was talking like an everyday old lady.

"Maybe he realized how different things were on the outside? Went from shooting hoops, and whacking off to being in debt, a failing marriage and raising two kids who hardly remembered who their daddy was." Gemma paused to sip her coffee. "Did you take your suspicions to Jax?" Gemma asked. Lillian shook her head no.

"Didn't wanna end up worse off than Donna." Gemma smirked at the younger woman's sarcasm. "I didn't want to tear him up anymore than this already has." She answered honestly. "Opie is his brother, but the Club? SAMCRO is his life. Having to choose between the two of them would kill him. I can't prove what I think, so what's the point in lighting fires." Gemma set her mug down on the table and leaned closer to Lillian.

"You're a smart girl Lillian Kozik. You're doing the right thing." The sound of Abel's cries came from the nursery and Gemma pulled herself to her feet. "Go. Have a shower. Gramma's got him." Lillian ran a hand through her hair, before pushing herself out of her chair and following Gemma down the hall. She grabbed a towel and headed into the bathroom. Lillian took her time in the shower, conditioning her hair, shaving her legs. Enjoying the warmth of the water, and the absence of the nagging thoughts at the back of her mind. Gemma was right, it was best to sit on her eggs until they hatched. There was no sense sending Jax off half cocked, when she couldn't prove what she thought in the first place. She was pulled from her blissful shower by the sound of Abel's cries. She stepped out of the shower, without shutting off the water and cracked the door to listen.

"Is he okay?" She heard Jax's voice. Lillian reached for her towel, wrapping it around herself she opened the door a bit more.

"I can't get him to stop." A woman's voice, but not Gemma's. It sounded vaguely familiar but Lillian couldn't place her finger on where she knew it from. Almost like a voice you here in passing in the grocery store, but for some reason it struck a chord in her. "He's fed. I changed him." She spoke again.

"Where's Gemma?" Jax asked.

"She went out to run some errands when I showed up, said that Lillian was in the shower."

"Okay…Hey, hey, hey." Jax's voice softened and Lillian assumed that he had picked Abel up. She faintly heard him mumbling to Abel before the woman spoke again.

"Can't find the chapter on ex-junkie moms." Wendy.

"Don't think our pages have been written yet sweetheart." Jax said honestly.

"Look about last night Jax…" She started, Lillian felt her breath catch in her throat. "I want us to be a family." Lillian gripped the edge of the door. There was no way in hell, that Wendy was going to swoop back in to the picture after almost killing Abel. She must have been out of her damn mind. Lillian took a deep breath to calm down when she heard Jax's voice.

"We've done our dance, Wendy."

"Yeah, but never like this. Not with him. Could be different this time around." Wendy was almost begging Jax at this point and deep down Lillian felt some pity for her. She emphasized with her for wanting her family back, but she lost that option when she choose to shoot up while pregnant.

"We've been through way too much shit." Jax sounded hesitant to believe Wendy. Lillian felt like a complete and total nut for eavesdropping on their conversation but she thought it would be worse to barge in on it.

"I just want another chance, I mean this little guy deserves that try, you know?"

"Put together some time." Jax said after a moment of silence. "All right? We'll see where it goes.." Lillian could hear the strain in Jax's voice, but it seemed lost on Wendy.

"All right. I will. I'm gunna make this work Jax." Lillian closed the door and hung her towel before climbing back into the shower. The water had now run cold and she slowly sank to the floor, letting the icy water run over her. It wasn't that she feared the competition of other woman in Jax's life. She knew that there was no way that he would ever get back with Tara, but Wendy? He had told her time and time again that he had only married Wendy because he was lonely, but now they had a child together. Would that change his mind? Again, she was pulled from her thoughts but this time by a soft knock on the bathroom door.

"Lily? You in there?" She heard Jax's voice.

"No." She replied sarcastically. She heard the door open, and a second later looked up as Jax pulled open the door to the shower.

"What are you doing on the floor?" He asked, giving her a puzzled look.

"Thinking." She said.

"About?" He prompted.

"Thoughts." She smirked. Jax rolled his eyes, and reached for her towel. She stood, and killed the water before allowing Jax to wrap her up in the plushy towel. He leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes he smiled.

"You're the calm in the storm Lily."

"Don't you mean before the storm?" She asked.

"Do you want me to not be cute? I can stop being cute." Jax muttered. Lillian let out a laugh and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"It's very cute when the big bad biker is cute." She kissed him softly, but pulled back when she heard his phone go off. He sighed and pulled out the prepay, flipping it open.

"Juice?" He asked. "I'll be there." He snapped the phone shut, before tucking it back into his pocket. "I've got Church." He explained. Lillian nodded, kissing him once more before unhooking her arms from behind his neck. She sauntered out into the hallway, smirking over her shoulder.

"Too bad you don't have time for a quicky." She winked, before turning to walk away. Only to meet the sour gaze of Wendy.

"By all means, go ahead. Abel's sleeping. But from what I remember, Jax doesn't do quickies." Wendy crossed her arms over her chest. Jax leaned against the bathroom doorway, taking in the awkward situation in front of him.

"Guess I'll just have to save it for later then." Lillian shrugged, before walking past Wendy and into Jax's room. In all honesty, it was more like their room at this point. Her "sleepover drawer" had gone from the top left drawer of Jax's dresser, to the whole left side. Plus a decent chunk of his closet was now Lillian's territory.

Lillian woke alone. Jax's side of the bed untouched. It wasn't uncommon for Jax to not come home, but usually he would have given her a heads up. She checked her phone for a text message and was a little worried when she had no messages from Jax. She typed out a quick text asking if he was alright, and if he needed her to iron his dress shirt for Donna's funeral later. She heard a knock at the door, and pulled herself out of bed. She wrapped herself in a bathrobe, and made her way to the door. Peering through the peephole, she noticed two unfamiliar people whom she could only peg as ATF agents.

"What do you want?" Lillian called through the door.

"We're looking for Jax Teller." The woman replied, pulling out her credentials and holding them to the peephole. June Stahl, ATF. Lillian opened the door, but didn't remove the safety chain.

"What for?" Lillian asked.

"We just want to talk." The man spoke.

"Talk to his lawyer." Lillian replied, crossing her arms.

"Let me guess, Lillian Kozik?" The woman spoke again.

"I might be." Lillian answered shortly.

"Can you tell us where Jax might be?" She asked.

"I'm not telling you anything, but to get off my front step." Stahl pulled a business card from her pocket and handed it to Lillian.

"In case you change your mind and feel like telling us anything else." Without breaking eye contact, Lillian ripped the business card in two and let it fall to the step. She closed the door, and listened to the sounds of their footsteps fading away. She pulled her phone from her pocket and sent Jax another text, _ATF was here looking for you. Stahl is a piece of work._ She heard the sounds of Abel waking and turned towards the nursery but was stopped by another knock at the door.

"Who is it?" She asked.

"It's Neeta hunny." Lillian unlocked the door, and pulled it open for the nanny.

"You're awfully early today Neeta." Lillian said with a smile, as the plumper lady pulled her into a hug.

"I figured that today would be awfully crazy for everyone, figured I'd come a little early." Lillian smiled again at the older woman.

"He's just waking up. Why don't you help yourself to some coffee and I'll go grab him."

"Sure thing Ms. Lily." Neeta headed towards the coffee maker and Lillian turned towards Abel's room. Scooping him from his crib, she laid him on the change table and unbuttoned his onesie. She changed his diaper quickly, and dressed him again before bringing him into the kitchen where Neeta had a bottle ready.  
"Good morning mister Abel!" Neeta handed her the bottle and Lillian sat down at the table to feed him. Abel sucked hungrily at the nipple as Neeta set to work tidying the kitchen.

"Neeta, can I ask you a question?" Lillian said softly after awhile. She shifted Abel to her shoulder and began to burp him.

"What's on your mind doll?" Neeta said, looking up from the counter she was scrubbing.

"You've been around the Club for awhile right?" Buuuuuurp, interrupted Abel.

"Not so much the Club as Gemma, but I've been around long enough." Neeta answered. Lilian nodded. "I'm not trying to pry baby, but there's something heavy on your mind." Neeta said simply. Tossing the rag in the sink, she sat down across the table from Lillian.

"Do you ever wonder what the Club is capable of?" She asked quietly. Neeta's expression softened.

"Some stones are better left unturned hunny. Whatever it is that's got you twisted up, just let it go. If you try to go up against the Club, you'll be the next Old Lady in the ground." Neeta patted Lillian's hand. Lillian nodded absentmindedly, she knew that she didn't have to worry about Neeta going to Gemma. However, she still felt that after the way Gemma had reacted that it was best to keep her opinions to herself. Lillian glanced at the clock, it was time for her to get ready for Donna's funeral.

Jax still hadn't answered her texts as she pulled up to the cemetery. Ellie and Kenny had asked if they could ride with her, so she was driving Donna's car. She had opted not to wear the walking cast the hospital had given her and instead had slipped on her black cowboy boots, something that she was already regretting. She pulled in behind the hearse, and killed the engine. She turned to look over her shoulder at the heartbroken kids in the back seat.

"Do you want to wait here a minute?" She asked them. They both shook their heads and opened their doors. Lillian climbed out of the car and placed a hand on each of their backs, guiding them to the gravesite where Opie was waiting. He pulled her in for a tight hug and Lillian hugged back just as hard.

"Thank you for bringing them Lily." She nodded her head.

"Anytime Ope. Anything you or the kids need, you just let me know." Opie nodded and hugged her again.

"Aunt Lily?" Kenny said.

"Yea buddy?" Lillian squatted so that she was looking up at him.

"Will you sit with us?" Lillian looked up at Opie, silently asking for his approval. Had she blinked she would have missed the sharp nod of his head.

"Of course kiddo." She took a seat to the left of Ellie, the gravesite starting to crowd as more and more Sons and friends of the Club filled the cemetery. Lillian, Ellie, Kenny, Opie, Piney, Mary, Wendy and Gemma made up the row chairs reserved for the family. The other side was occupied by Crow Eaters and to Lillian's enjoyment, the good doctor. Lillian looked around for Jax, but he was still no where to be seen. The pastor began to read from his bible. Donna hadn't been overly religious however the verses that were read suited her perfectly. Lillian was rubbing Ellie's back when Tara suddenly stood. She reached behind her and took the kutte from Juice. Lillian looked over her shoulder and noticed Jax heading towards them. Lillian kissed the top of Ellie's head and stood herself. She intercepted Tara, and wrapped her hand around Jax's kutte. Leaning close to Tara, Lillian whispered in her ear.

"Learn your place doctor." Before turning on her heel to meet Jax. She held his kutte out for him to slip his arms into, and was rewarded with a kiss to the forehead.

"You leaving with me?" Jax asked.

"Gotta take the kids, we'll meet you at the Clubhouse." Jax nodded and turned towards the funeral. He took a deep breath, picked up a flower and walked towards the casket. Bringing it to his lips, he kissed it softly before laying it down with the others. Without another word, Jax turned his back to the Club and walked away.


	6. A Message For The MC

Lillian woke to the sound of birds chirping, for a minute she almost forgot just how fucked up everything was. She stretched, still sore from the three rounds with Jax last night and rolled to her side. Taking in just how beautiful Jax was when he slept, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Mmh… Don't start something you can't finish." Jax said sleepily. Lillian let out a laugh and rolled to the edge of the bed.

"You want breakfast Outlaw?" She could almost hear the smirk in Jax's voice when he replied.

"What kind of breakfast you talking about?" She opened the door to their room, and headed towards the kitchen. It wasn't long after that Jax followed her in, carrying Abel in his arms.

"Good morning, my boy!" Lillian pressed a kiss to Abel's head. Jax grumbled about the baby stealing all his kisses. Lillian rolled her eyes and pressed a wet kiss to his cheek.

"Gemma will meet you at the hospital for his appointment later on." Jax sat down at the table as Lillian started cracking eggs into the pan on the stove.

"You're not coming?" Lillian asked. Jax shook his head.

"I've got a meet set with the Irish, about the distribution deal of the guns." Lillian was bothered by the fact that the guns, outweighed Abel's first check up but she understood that the VP patch on his chest meant that his presence would be required at the meeting.

"Opie getting home today?" Jax nodded and Lillian dropped bread into the toaster. "Should I go over? Make sure the kids are okay?" Jax thought on it a minute.

"Let me talk to Opie first. See where his heads at. Don't want him thinking that he needs a babysitter to look after his own kids." Lillian nodded.

"He just disappeared for weeks Jax, how are the kids supposed to swallow that?"

"Everyone grieves differently." Jax shrugged. "Mary stuck around because she knew that Opie was gunna need to ride it out. I can't even imagine what I would have done if it were you that got buried." Lillian startled at the toaster popping. She put together a plate for Jax and set it in front of him, taking Abel so that he could eat.

"Neeta will be here before you leave for the Irish, can you drop me off at the clubhouse? I've got some filing that I have to finish up before Bobby's party tonight." Jax nodded, wolfing down his eggs and bacon. "Then your mom and I will take him to his appointment later on." Jax grinned at her.

"Sounds like a plan babe." They spent the rest of the hour, getting ready for the day. Jax opened the door when Neeta knocked and Lillian kissed Abel goodbye.

"Gemma and I will be back before his appointment, are you sure you don't mind watching him tonight?" Neeta smiled.

"It's not a problem Ms. Lily, you tell Mr. Bobby that I said welcome home." Lillian pressed a kiss to Neeta's cheek and followed Jax out the door and took her place on the back of his bike. Jax offered her his helmet, and they were off.

Lillian sat at the desk in the office at Teller-Morrow, finishing up the filing that had been left over from the day before. She nearly jumped out of her skin when Gemma appeared behind her.

"You've been busy." Gemma stated.

"Jesus Christ Gem, wear a bell or something. You can't just sneak up on people like that or you won't be the only one with a heart condition." Gemma let out a laugh.

"Finish up here, and we'll go pick up Abel." Lillian nodded, stacking the papers that still needed to be signed off on by the lead mechanic. She dropped them in to the box beside the door to the shop, grabbed her purse and followed Gemma out to her car.

"How much longer till you can get around without the moon boot?" Gemma asked, lighting a cigarette. Lillian rolled her eyes as she pulled the door closed behind her. Gemma turned the key in the ignition and her SUV roared to life.

"It's a walking cast Gemma." Lillian stuck her tongue out, making a face. "And shouldn't be too long. I had the cast on for four weeks, and the doctor said everything was looking good when he x-rayed." Gemma nodded her head before pulling out of the parking space and heading back to Jax's to get Abel.

Lillian and Gemma sat in a pediatric exam room waiting for Abel to finish his tests. The door opened and Tara walked in, cradling Abel lovingly. Lillian felt a slight stab of annoyance as Tara doted over him, but she shook it off. She was the one in Jax's bed almost every night, not Tara.

"He's perfect." Tara informed them.

"The echoes?" Gemma asked, jumping to her feet.

"Clean. CBC's, CMP's were all normal. His weight needs to come up a little." She replied.

"He's still spitting up quite a bit after he eats." Lillian spun around in the swivel chair, stopping when Tara's eyes met hers.

"Could be the lactose. We can try a soy base." She offered. Gemma scoffed.

"I don't want to turn him into a little vegan pussy."

"He can drink it in his wife beater onesie." Tara rolled her eyes and Lillian snorted. Gemma smacked Lillian's shoulder with her clutch.

"Ow Gemma!" Lillian exclaimed, rubbing her arm.

"Dr Funny." Gemma gave Tara a cold smile. "How's his sleep apnea?" Gemma eyed Lillian, knowing this was her chance to light a fire under Tara. "You're there almost every night Lily, is he sleeping good?" Lillian felt Tara's eyes burning holes in the side of her head. Shrugging nonchalantly, she narrowed her eyes slightly at Gemma.

"When I'm there, he's sleeping fine."

"Good." Gemma said smugly, taking Abel from Tara and placing him in his car seat.

"I need some signatures." Tara held up a clipboard.

"Lily can sign them while I go book his next appointment." Gemma lifted Abel's car seat off the bed and disappeared out the door. Lillian's eyes followed Gemma's retreating back, listening to the sound of her heels click down the hallway.

"She'll never change." Tara muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lillian asked, taking the clipboard from Tara.

"It means Jax is a grown man, and she's still meddling in his love life." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Just like she did when he was sixteen." Tara added as an after thought. Lillian looked over the papers that she was supposed to sign before finding the line Tara had put an X beside. _**Parent/Guardian.**_ Lillian scrawled her name, and extended the clipboard back to the doctor.

"If Jax had an issue with it, he would have stopped it." Lillian stood from the chair and walked towards the door. Pausing to look back at Tara over her shoulder, she smirked. "See you around Doc."

After dropping Abel back home with Neeta, Gemma and Lillian drove to the clubhouse to make sure that the Crow Eaters hadn't fucked up the arrangements for Bobby's coming home party. No sooner did Gemma step foot into the club house, she began barking orders and anyone who was standing around. Lillian smiled, glad that she was immune to Gemma's attitude and plopped down on the couch. She pulled out her phone, calling Jax to see if he would be back to the club house anytime soon. He answered on the last ring.

"Hey darlin." She heard him grunt as if he were moving something heavy.

"Hey babe, everything good?" Lillian asked.

"I'm good." Jax replied. "Just in the middle of it. How was the doctors?"

"He's one tough little guy Jax. Both his heart and tummy are looking good."

"How was Tara?" Lillian laughed at Jax's question.

"Well your mother was certainly no help. Tara seems to think that she's meddling in your love life, "just like she did when you were sixteen", whatever that's supposed to mean." She heard Jax scoff on the other end of the phone.

"Don't let it get to you Lily, it's just a pissing match between my mom and my ex." Lillian nodded, believing Jax when he said it was nothing.

"Am I gunna see you later?" She asked.

"I don't know, I gotta drop something in Hayward. Then we got Bobby's party."

"Neeta said she'd watch Abel for us, but I might take off early. Promise you'll come home tonight?"

"I promise doll face." Jax said with a laugh.

"I love you Jax." Lily said quietly.

"Love you too Lily. I'll see you at home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bobby had made his rounds of the clubhouse, catching up with his brothers and getting reacquainted with his favourite Crow Eaters. He spotted Lillian sitting alone at the bar and made his way towards her. He tapped her on the shoulder and smiled when her face lit up.

"Welcome home Elvis!" He pulled her in for a hug.

"I wanted to check in with you Lily." Lillian arched a brow at him. "Clay filled me in that you're not far from becoming an old lady." Lillian shook her head and laughed.

"I'm a lot of things Bobby, but old lady isn't one of them. Not yet anyways." Bobby gave her a knowing look.

"It's not lost on the Club what you've been doing to Jax."

"I haven't done anything to him." She interrupted Bobby. She didn't want the Club to think that Jax was changing for her.

"No, no. You're keeping his head on straight Lily, that's what he needs in a woman. Tara tried to get him to walk away from the Club, and Wendy only wanted him for his kutte. You've done good, been there for him with this shit with his kid, You've really stepped up, we're grateful for it."

"I really appreciate that Bobby. I'm just trying to do what feels right." She explained. Bobby nodded, pulled her in for another hug and kissed her cheek.

"An old lady can make or break a Club. Don't let it do to you and Jax what it did to Gemma and JT." He nodded at her and then moved on to someone that had called his name from across the room. Lillian wondered what Bobby had meant by the last part, but chalked it up to being drunk. She checked the time on her phone. 12:19. She really should be getting home to Abel. She looked around the room, trying to find Gemma. She noticed her at the other end of the bar with Clay. She made her way over and rested a hand on her waist.

"Gem, I'm thinking I'm gunna take off. Do you mind giving me a ride? I rode in with Jax this morning." Gemma pulled her keys from her purse and handed them to Lillian.

"Just take my car hunny, I'll ride home with Clay." She kissed Gemma's cheek and turned towards the door. She hadn't seen Jax at the party, but he had promised he would be home later. Whatever he had to do in Haywood probably had him tied up. Lillian climbed into Gemma's car and absentmindedly began the drive back to Jax's. She was pulled up at a stop sign when a van pulled up behind her, slamming on the horn. Lillian jumped when suddenly a young woman was banging on her window.

"Help me! Please! Please help! My baby swallowed something! He's choking!" Lillian jumped out of the car and jogged to the van, she leaned in to help the infant when she felt something heavy hit her in the back of her head. The darkness of unconsciousness slipped around her as she fell forward into the van.

Lillian woke handcuffed to a chain link fence, one of her eyes was swollen shut and she her mouth had a metallic tang when she swallowed. She looked around with her good idea, trying to figure out where she was. She struggled against the handcuffs, causing the fence to rattle. This brought the attention of the men across the room that she hadn't noticed. They came towards her and Lillian began to cry.

"Please. Please don't do this." One of the three men stepped up to her and slapped her across the face.

"Quiet whore." He raised his hand to smack her again.

"That's enough." Spoke another man. Each of the three wore masks, and Lillian didn't recognize their voices. She heard Kozik's voice in the back of her head. _Distinguishing features. Scars, piercings, tattoos._ She did her best to memorize the ink of the goons in front of her.

"She deserves it." Spoke the first man, the one that had slapped her.

"I don't care if she deserves it or not. I said enough. Our problem isn't with some old lady, it's with the Club." The second man was obviously the one in charge. He stepped in front of Lillian.

"Ma'am. We're almost done." She heard the sound of his belt being undone, and then his zipper.

"Please. Please." Lillian begged. She felt her jeans being ripped down, then her panties next. She knew that there was only one thing left for her to do. She started kicking and screaming, lashing out and hitting anything she possibly could trying to defend herself.

"Pin her down!" Yelled the man in charge. Lillian cried out in pain as the other two men grabbed her and held her still against the fence.

"I need you to pass on a message to your old man and his MC. Tell him to stop selling guns to niggers and wetbacks or we find you and we do this again." To punctuate his threat, he forced himself inside of her. Lillian cried out from the pain. This wasn't like sex with Jax, this wasn't loving and sweet. This was torturous and cruel, they were doing this to hurt her. Lillian sobbed as the men held her against the fence, the only other sounds were the grunts of the man inside her. She couldn't tell how long it went on for, but she was aching. The man was sloppy with his thrusts, and started to slow. Lillian wasn't much for religion but she prayed that this man hadn't finished inside of her. She heard them start to talk again.

"What do we do with her?" One asked.

"Do we just leave her here?" Asked the other. Lillian opened her good eye and noticed the leader still standing in front of her.

"Did that make you feel like a man?" She choked out.

"It had to be done." He replied.

"The Club is going to find you." Lillian said slowly. "And I'm going to be there when they put a bullet in your head." She spat in his face. The last thing she saw was a fist aimed directly for her face.

Cold. Wet. Sore. Lillian was in and out of consciousness. Her entire body from her face, to his wrists to her privates felt like someone had taken a meat mallet to them. She was starting to slip back into the darkness when she heard a voice.

"Miss?" It sounded familiar, but she couldn't place it. She felt gentle hands on her arms, rolling her over.

"Lily?" The voice exclaimed. Through swollen eyes, Lillian was able to make out the dark hair and the lab coat.

"Tara." Lillian croaked. She felt herself slipping, everything was underwater. The pain started to face away. Maybe she should just sleep for a bit.

 **Authors Note**

 **Super hard chapter to write, I hope I did it justice. How do we feel about the next chapter being from Jax's perspective? Leave a review!**


	7. I Remember Everything

Jax's POV

Jax pulled his bike into his driveway and killed the engine. Kicking down the kickstand and unbuckling his helmet, he swung his leg over his bike. Lily had left the light on for him and he felt his heart swell. She didn't officially live here, but Jax knew that this was the closest thing she had ever had to a home. He let himself into the house and headed towards his bedroom to find his… he stopped himself, Lily wasn't his girlfriend yet. He wanted her to be, but with everything that was going on was it really the time?

"Mr Jax?" A voice called from the kitchen. Jax turned on his heel and was surprised to see Neeta standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking worried.

"Hey Neeta, what are you still doing here?" Jax asked.

"Ms. Lily didn't come home." Jax felt his heart sink. His mom had said that she had left the party long before he had got there.

"Are you good here with Abel?" He asked. Neeta nodded and waved him off."

"We'll be fine Mr. Jax, go find Ms. Lily." Jax didn't need any more coaxing and was out of the house and back on his bike in seconds. He drove back to Teller-Morrow way faster than he should have. Maybe Lily had gone back to the party. He backed his bike into his spot and jogged to the Clubhouse. The party was still in full swing as he opened the door and scanned around. No Lily. He found Gemma at the bar and shouted to her above the music.

"Did Lily come back?" Gemma shook her head, looking concerned.

"She wasn't at home?" Gemma shouted back.

"Neeta said she never showed up." Jax felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and headed outside. Once he was far enough away from the music, he checked the caller ID. He flipped open his phone and pressed it to his ear.

"Look Tara, now's not a good time." Jax started, but Tara interrupted

"You need to come to St. Thomas. Lily was found unconscious on the steps outside." Jax felt like someone had ripped his heart from his chest. "She's been beaten pretty badly Jax."

"I'm on my way." He managed before sprinting to his bike.

"Jax! What is it!?" Gemma yelled after him, having followed him outside.

"Find Kozik and tell him to get to St. Thomas. They found Lilly." Jax kick started his bike, and floored it out of the lot.

Jax made it to the hospital in record time. Jumping the curb, he killed the engine and took the steps two at a time. Before flying in the front doors to see Tara waiting.

"Where is she?" Jax demanded. Tara held up her hands.

"She's resting. I can't take you to see her but we need to sit and talk. Unless Lily has some kind of weekend agenda you don't know about, this beating was a message to the Club."

"How bad is it?" Jax asked, feeling his stomach churning at the thought of someone laying their hands on Lily.

"It's not good. She won't have any permanent damage, but her face is pretty mangled right now. Two black eyes, broken nose, cuts, bruises, broken ribs. She's still being examined. The doctors main concern is that she re-injured her foot and she might need another cast. But they're waiting on the x-rays to come back." Jax nodded, unable to form a sentence. He felt angry, he felt devastated, but most of all he felt guilty. Tara was right, this beating had likely been caused by Lily's involvement with the club. With him. Tara laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'll come find you when the doctors are done with her." Tara walked away, as the hospital doors opened again and in walked Gemma, Kozik, Clay and some of his other brothers.

"Where is she Jax?" Kozik was the first to make it to him, across the waiting room.

"Tara says the doctors are still looking her over." Jax saw the tears welling in Kozik's eyes and realized that in all the years he had called him a brother, he had never once seen him cry.

"Is she alright? What did Tara say? What happened?" Kozik questioned, sitting in the chair across from Jax. Everyone else gathered around to hear the news.

"I left the party and when I got to the house Neeta was still there. Said Lily hadn't come home. I went back to the Clubhouse and Gemma told me she hadn't seen Lily after she took her keys. Tara called me and said that somebody had dumped Lily's body on the steps outside." Jax paused, wiping at his eyes. He glanced at Kozik who was sitting with his head in his hands. "Her face was pretty smashed up, she's got some broken ribs. The doctor is worried about her foot."

"Jesus Christ." Said Tig, laying a hand on Kozik's shoulder.

"She gunna be okay?" Clay asked.

"She's a tough girl." Gemma answered, before Jax could speak. "If anyone can come out the other side of something like this still standing, it's Lily."

The waiting room was full of Sons by the time Tara came back with an update. Jax and Kozik both stood and Tara crossed her arms over her chest and was unable to look them in the eyes.

"What is it Doc?" Kozik asked nervously.

"Lily is saying she doesn't remember what happened. But we had to do a full physical examination, because its protocol in circumstances like this." Tara took a deep breath. "There's no polite way of putting this. Lily was raped." Kozik sank to his eyes and started to sob. Jax felt like throwing up. Lily had been violated, and it was all his fault. He didn't know who, or how; but when he did he was going to slaughter whoever was responsible for this.

"Holy fuck." Said Clay. "She doesn't remember any of it?" Tara shook her head.

"She's saying she doesn't, but I'm not convinced. They found traces of sperm inside her.." Jax winced at Tara's words. "Protocol is to have it run through the criminal database. She has to talk to the police and give a statement before you can see her." Jax silently sank into his chair. Tara awkwardly excused herself and disappeared back down the hallway she came from. Tig and Chibs helped Kozik up off the floor and seated him back in his chair.

"We're gunna find who did this to her Kozik, you've got my word." Clay spoke quietly. He turned to face everyone else that had gathered. "Unless you're someone she's gunna wanna see, head back to the Clubhouse." The waiting room had nearly emptied leaving only Jax, Kozik, Tig, Chibs, Opie, Gemma and Clay. Unser and Hale joined the group and Hale cleared his throat.

"Sorry to hear about Lily, she didn't deserve this."

"Yeah no shit, instead of making small talk why don't you go find who did this to my sister?" Snapped Kozik.

"Watch your mouth." Hale threatened, stepping towards Kozik. Kozik responded by getting to his feet.

"Put your dicks away." Ordered Unser. "We've got more important things to worry about than your ego's, Hale go get the DNA sample." Hale turned and stormed off. "Off the record before I talk to her, what do we know?" Asked Unser.

"According to Tara she doesn't remember anything, but Tara's not buying it." Jax answered.

"Think maybe she's trying to protect the Club. She took a phone call in the office from an anonymous caller that suggested the Son's stop the arrangements we have with our coloured friends." Clay said, omitting the part about "Charming getting bloody".

"Hell, you're not saying this was Darby?" Unser asked. "A little above his pay grade don't you think?" Jax's head snapped up and he locked eyes with Clay. Zobelle.

"Run the sample." Clay said. "Darby and his goons are in the system, can't rule anyone out until we know for sure." Unser nodded and headed towards the door to find the doctor in charge of Lily's case.

"It was Zobelle." Jax said quietly as soon as Unser was out of earshot.

"It couldn't be, there's no way he would get his hands dirty." Clay responded.

"What about his number one? Weston? I wouldn't put it past the creep." Tig suggested. Kozik headed towards the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Clay asked. Kozik turned around.

"I'm gunna go get the piece of shit that did this, and I'm gunna kill him." Kozik responded, like it were obvious.

"No you're not. We don't need you flying off half-cocked." Clay ordered.

"You're going to be the first person Lily wants to see when she's cleared and if you're not here it'll break her heart." Gemma tried to reason with him. Kozik inhaled deeply.

"Going for a smoke." He headed out the door. Clay nodded to Tig and Chibs and they followed him out. Opie took the chance to come forward and sit down beside Jax. Clay and Gemma disappeared to get coffee.

"Where are you at with this?" Opie asked. Jax was silent for a minute.

"My girl is laying in a hospital bed, beaten and raped because of my club. Where am I supposed to be at with that?" Opie nodded.

"You thinking Weston did it?" He asked.

"Only thing that makes sense. But unless Lily remembers something, or he comes up a match to the.." Jax couldn't bring himself to say sperm sample.

"Lily's not stupid Jax. She knows if she told the doctors, a report would be made and then it would get messy. Just wait until Kozik gets to talk to her." Jax shook his head slowly.

"I can't make her my girl after this Ope." Opie cocked his head to the side.

"You don't love her anymore because she was raped?" Opie asked bluntly.

"It's not that I don't love her Ope, God knows I do. But we're not even together and things like this are already happening to her. The beef with the Mayans? Do you know what kind of target being Jax Teller's old lady is going to be?"

"About the same as being Opie Winston's." Opie snapped and then got to his feet. Jax knew he had hit a nerve.

"Ope, I didn't mean.." Opie waved him off.

"Call me when you talk to her." Opie headed for the door as Clay and Gemma came back. They sat in painful silence for what felt like forever until Tara came back. Jax stood and stepped forward.

"Can I see her now?" Tara refused to meet Jax's eyes. "Tara what is it?"

"She's saying she doesn't want any visitors. She doesn't want you to see her face."

"I don't care how bad it is Tara, I need to make sure she's okay. So does Kozik." Tara bit her lip.

"You can talk to her through the door." Kozik, Tig and Chibs walked through the door to the waiting room and Jax jerked his head to Kozik in a follow us motion. They followed the doctor down to the end of the hallway, took a right, and Tara knocked on the first door on the left.

"Lily? It's Tara. Jax and your brother want to check on you. Do you want them to come in." The sound of a lock clicking into place made Jax's heart shatter. He opened his mouth to speak but Kozik beat him to it.

"Lily, do you remember that time when you were little and those kids were picking on you? When they pushed you and you fell and you cut your cheek open? And you didn't want me to see it because you knew that I would go after them?" Kozik cleared his throat. "I just want to make sure you're okay." There was silence for a moment and then the click of the lock. Lily cracked the door, carefully avoiding showing her face to them.

"I'm fine." She said quietly, both Jax and Kozik could tell she had been crying.

"Lily please." Jax asked. He heard her step back towards the bed and opened the door to see her slowly making her way back to the bed. She turned to the side and Jax caught a glimpse of her face. Tara hadn't been lying, it was bad. Both of Lily's eyes were so swollen they almost couldn't open. Black eyes, a broken nose, two split lips and cuts and bruises that covered the majority of her face. Jax felt his stomach drop. She didn't even look like Lily. If this was the physical damage, Jax could only imagine how bad it was mentally. Kozik stepped forward and helped his sister climb back into the bed. Tara excused herself and closed the door.

"What happened?" Kozik asked, taking Lillian's hand.

"What did the doctor tell you?" Lily asked her brother. Kozik and Jax looked at each other.

"Well they said that you were assaulted…" Kozik started.

"That I was beaten and raped." Lily interrupted.

"Tara says you don't remember anything." Jax said softly. For the first time since he entered the room, Lily turned to look at Jax's face. He wasn't sure how well her eyesight was, so he stepped closer to the end of her bed.

"I remember everything." Lily said quietly.


	8. When The Time's Right

"I remember everything." Lily said, her swollen eyes trying to focus in on Jax.

"Who was it Lily?" Asked Kozik. Lily laughed and shook her head.

"You think I'm going to tell you guys, so you can fly out of here half cocked and get thrown in jail?" Kozik opened his mouth to speak but Lily interrupted. "We're gunna leave here, we're gunna go home and go on with our lives as normal." She pointed at her face. "This will heal."

"You can't keep this a secret Lily." Jax coaxed. Lily turned back towards Jax.

"I fully intend to." Jax scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"We're trying to protect you!" Lily laughed and shook her head.

"You did a real good job of protecting me didn't you Jax? I felt real protected while I was chained to a fucking fence, being beaten and raped." Jax opened his mouth to apologize. "Leave." Lily said, pointing towards the door.

"Lily…" Jax started, moving closer to Lily.

"Kozi…" Lily whimpered and Kozik shot out of his chair.

"Jax, I don't wanna do this. But if she asks me you know I will." Kozik stood his ground between his sister and his VP. Jax looked at Lily one last time and felt his heart sink. Lily was going to leave him, just like Tara.

"I love you." Jax said quietly before heading to the door. He pulled it closed behind him and took off down the hall. He stopped in the waiting room to see that it was just Gemma and Tig left waiting.

"She remembers everything but she won't tell us. She says she knows what it'll do to us. Talk to her Mom?" Gemma nodded and rested a hand on her son's cheek.

"This is going to take some work to come back from. Don't let it ruin what you two are." Jax shook his head.

"She's gunna put miles between herself and Charming as soon as she's out of that bed." Gemma scowled and stepped away from Jax.

"She's not Tara, Jackson. Stop acting like it." Gemma disappeared towards Lily's room and Tig laid a hand on Jax's shoulder.

"Your mom is right Jax. Lily loves you, don't let this be the end. The beating she took wasn't just a physical one, the mental aspect is going to be the worst part. She's going to need you to get through this. Don't bail on her." Jax nodded his head.

"Thanks Tiggy. Let's go find Clay, see if he's heard from Unser."

Gemma knocked lightly on the door to Lily's room. The door cracked open and Kozik's face appeared.

"She up for visitors?" Gemma asked. Kozik looked over his shoulder.

"It's Gemma." Lily must have given him the okay as he stepped back and allowed Gemma into the room. Gemma felt her stomach flip when she got her first glimpse of Lily's face. The usually pretty girl was black and blue from ear to ear.

"How ya holding up?" Gemma asked, pressing a kiss to one of the few spots on Lily's cheek that wasn't all busted.

"Is that a sincere question, or are you here on behalf of Jax?" Lily quipped back. Gemma paused, giving Lily a chance to judge where she was at.

"He's worried about you." Gemma explained.

"So's Kozik." Lily replied, gesturing towards her brother who was stationed at the end of her bed like a guard dog. It was clear to anyone that Kozik felt guilty for what happened to his sister, and he would die before he let something like this happen to her again.

"What's your reasoning behind keeping this to yourself Lily? Why not let the Club take care of it?" Gemma prodded, trying to feel her out. Gemma was taken aback when Lily laughed in response to her question.

"So Clay and Jax and the rest of em can go to jail for murder because they'll go after these guys?" Lily scoffed. "No thanks." Gemma folded her arms over her chest, impressed.

"You're doing this to protect the Club?" She asked.

"Fuck the Club. I'm doing this to protect the ones I love." Gemma felt a newfound respect for the younger woman starting to grow. "Besides, that'll light a fire right under their ass that the Sons aren't doing anything about this. The less they know the better." Gemma nodded, a smile crossing her lips.

"You're a tough cookie Lily, you belong with this Club." Gemma patted her arm, noticing the bruises from the handcuffs. Lily must have really put up a fight, which wasn't surprising being Kozik's sister and all.

"The time will come that this will come to the table." Lillian said quietly. "But until then, I'm not saying another word about any of this." Gemma nodded.

"Get some rest yeah?" Gemma's eyes met Kozik's. "Keep an eye on her." And with that, Gemma sauntered out of the room.

After hours of complaining about being stuck in a hospital bed, Lily was finally being discharged from St. Thomas. She hated hospitals, and the last thing she wanted was to be shut up in a hospital room while the doctors and nurses pitied her. Kozik was standing guard outside her door as she tried to change into the clothes that Gemma had brought back to the hospital for her. She pulled one of Jax's baggy SAMCRO t's over her head and reached for the doorknob. Kozik looked over her shoulder as she pulled it open, the ever present guilt in his eyes when he looked at her battered face.

"Could have been worse Kozi." She said, pulling a ball cap on, and then sliding sunglasses on to hide the black eyes.

"Never should have happened." Kozik retorted. He gestured to the wheel chair that had been left for her and Lily shook her head.

"Over my dead body." Kozik smiled and extended an arm to her. She linked her arm with her brothers and hobbled down the hallway. Lily was surprised to see Opie waiting for them in the waiting room. The mountain of a man got to his feet when he saw Lily and came forward.

"Before you ask about my face…" Lily started, holding up a hand. "You should see the other guy." Both Opie and Kozik chuckled. "What are you still doing here?" Lily asked politely.

"Gem had to run to pick up the kid, and we didn't think it would be a good idea to send you home on a bike, and Jax's truck would probably be too hard for you to get into so I brought D-" Opie started to say Donna and then stopped himself. Had Lily blinked, she would have missed the emotion that flashed across his face. "I brought the car, figured it would just be easier on you." Lily felt an overwhelming wave of love for Opie.  
"You didn't have to do that, but thank you Ope. I really appreciate it." Opie nodded and gestured towards the doors. Both he and Kozik escorted Lily out of the hospital and towards the Ford Taurus that used to belong to Opie's wife. Opie opened the door, and Kozik helped Lily slide into the front seat.

"Follow me to Jax's place?" Kozik asked. Opie nodded before making his way to the drivers door, and piling himself into the tiny little car. Opie flicked on the radio and when some teeny bob song game out of the speakers he shot Lily an apologetic glance.

"Donna's presets." Opie hit a button on the stereo and the usual heavy metal station filled the car.

"Now that's more like it." Lily flashed Opie a cheesy grin and together they jammed out on the way home to Jax's.

Lily unlocked the door to Jax's house and let herself in. Kozik followed her in and she could feel him casing the house.

"Kozi, relax." Lily eased herself down on the couch. "It's not like someone's hiding in the closet." Lily felt a sick sense of fear wash over when she thought about someone watching her.

"I know kiddo, it just doesn't hurt to be safe." Kozik said, opening the closet door. He closed it before turning around to face her. Lily rolled her eyes and pulled herself up off the couch.

"I'm gunna go shower. Make yourself at home ya German Shepard." Kozik mocked her before dropping down in the armchair and flicking on the tv. Lily made her way down the hall and into the bathroom. She closed the door behind and reached into the shower, turning on the water. Her muscles were aching from what had happened the night before. She dropped her sweatpants and pulled Jax's shirt over her head before climbing into the steaming hot water. She let the hot water work the kinks out and felt the tension in her muscles start to release. She stood under the water for what felt like an eternity, trying to wash the filthy feeling from herself. When the water started to run cold, she shut it off and reached out for a towel. Wrapping it around herself, she wiped the steam from the mirror and let out a high pitch scream. Standing behind her, was one of the masked men. She whirled around and there was no one there. She closed her eyes and tried to regain her composure. Within seconds the bathroom door flew open and Kozik had his gun drawn. Lily slid down the wall and started to sob. Kozik tucked his gun back in his waistband and rushed forward dropping down beside her.

"Lily?! What happened?!" Kozik asked, cradling her head against his chest. Lily tied to speak but the sobs wracked her body. Kozik let her cry until she had run out of tears.

"I got out of the shower…." Lilly's breath caught in her throat. "And I thought I saw…" She closed her eyes trying to take a deep breath. "I saw one of them Kozi…But he wasn't here." Kozik rubbed his sisters back soothingly.

"Lily, you need to tell us who did this." Kozik coaxed. Lily shook her head, red eyes meeting her brothers.

"I can't Kozi.. I can't." Lily said the words with emphasis. "You know what's gunna happen, the Club doesn't need this right now." Kozik scoffed.

"Lily fuck the Club, fuck Clay, and fuck anybody that thinks that you're not the number one priority." Kozik held her face in his hands. "I'm not gunna force you to say anything Lily, but when the time comes, we're gunna find who did this." Lily nodded, closing her eyes and taking comfort in her brother's presence. Kozik helped Lily to her feet and led her to Jax's bedroom.

"Kozi." Lily asked, pulling one of Jax's shirts from a drawer.

"Yea Lily?" Lily avoided his eyes.

"Do you still have a prescription for the sleeping pills you had to take when you came home?" Kozik shook his head.

"No, but I can get you some." Kozik offered.

"I just don't want the nightmares…" She said quietly. Kozik nodded his head.

"Just make it through the night tonight Lily and I'll have some stuff for you tomorrow." Kozik kissed his little sister's forehead. "I'll be in the living room until Jax gets home. Try and get some rest okay Lily?" She nodded her head before pulling Jax's shirt over her head and hanging up the towel. Making her way back to the bed, Lily stopped next to Jax's night stand. She bent down, pulled open the drawer and pulled out one of Jax's many handguns. She laid it on the nightstand, then crawled into bed. The smell of Jax was comforting, yet in a way it made her feel even worse. Surely Jax would understand what happened, the way he blew up at the hospital, how he wanted to go after those guys…Lily could feel her anxiety getting worse. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and then pulled out her phone. _Coming home?_ She texted Jax. Her phone dinged almost instantly. _B there in 5_ was Jax's response.

It wasn't long after that Lily heard the front door open and the sound of Jax's keys hitting the dish on the table. She heard him greet Kozik and then the sound of his footsteps coming down the hall.

"Hey." He said quietly, shrugging out of his kutte.

"Hey." Lily replied. She sat up in bed and took a second to think about what she was going to say to him? Plead her case for not wanting to tell the Club? Come clean and tell him everything? She opened her mouth to speak but was surprised to hear Jax's voice instead.

"I'm trying to wrap my head around this Lily. But I just can't. Don't you want us to get the guy that did this to you?" Jax sat down next to Lily's legs and reached for her hand. Lily obliged and laced her finger's through Jax's.

"I do but I don't Jax. You know just as well as I do that if I tell you what happened, you, Kozik, Opie, everyone is gunna end up in jail. Or worse. And I can't live with that." Jax sat quietly before bringing Lily's hand to his lips and kissing it lightly. "The Club has enough going on right now without worrying about this mess." Jax nodded his head.

"Promise me, that eventually you'll tell me?" Jax's eyes met hers and she could see the guilt he was carrying, clear as day.

"I promise Jax." She leaned her forehead against his. "When the time is right."

 **Author's Note**

 **Thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing my story! I love hearing from you guys! What are your thoughts on Lily putting up a fight when it comes to telling the Club who assaulted her? How do you think it's going to affect her? What do you think it's going to do to her relationship with Jax? Big, big, big news coming up within a couple chapters! Also don't forget to check for a new chapter of Grandsons of Anarchy coming soon!**


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